Cedric from Paris

Where do you start when you have to talk about yourself?  My life has been relatively simple!  Say that I lost my father when I was little?  It happened when I was very young so it is not a defining event in my life. Say that during my schooling people laughed at me?  Yes, I think that has happened to a lot of people and a lot of young gay people. Say That I don’t have the perfect physique?  Yes, but like the majority of the population after all!  So no, I don’t really know what to talk about.

Maybe love and sexuality?  It seems interesting enough to me to write several lines about it. When sexuality and love come together I think it can be magical, but it isn’t always the case. You should know that I had my very first sexual intercourse quite late (when I compare to those around me): 19 years old!  And discovering Grindr at 19 and assuming that I was still a virgin, I might as well tell you that I was just a piece of meat up for auction.

Luckily it happened with a guy I knew pretty well.  But once the milestone was crossed, I gave free rein to my desires, to the discovery my sexuality! Craving for everything and realizing that my profile was popular on Grindr, I literally did my shopping!  Like products that I added to my basket and that I consumed, I chained the men, one after the other.  Very new to me then I realize now that I might have been abused a bit.  

This is where love comes in!  Just 20 years old and  falling in love. Wow! first time and for 3 years.  But falling in love when it’s been a few months since I discovered sex, I wanted to learn more.  Lucky to have come across a man (14 years older than me) who is quite open-minded: he decided to go on and explore my libido!  Very open-minded, I can say today that it was with him that I learned and built my sexuality: accessories, little games, three or more etc etc …!  So yes for a first relationship this is not the best idea, and I will not relive that as a couple.  But it allowed me to gain self-confidence, to know my strengths, and to know my tastes in terms of sex, all this in safety and with someone I loved!  

Then, when I was 23, I ended up having what you might call love at first sight for a guy!  Well this time it worked for love but sex was almost non-existent! It lasted for several months. Going from a relationship with way too much sex to one with nothing at all.  Obviously when that was over, Grindr became a really good friend and I felt like I was catching up on my sex cravings for months in one summer. As a result, I sort of overdosed on sex.  And then I took a break from love and sex for one year. Today everything is fine!  During this break I learned to love my body. Thanks to photography and a nit of sport!  Loving your body is gaining self-confidence and it shows, it feels. I wanted to see men again.

And this summer was different, sex yes, but more intense, better than before!  And recently I met a very handsome guy for a sex date.  When we saw each other we talked from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m.  And we didn’t sleep together after all.  Is it fun to go for a sex party and finally find love?  I thought by myself that this is the perfect way to combine sex and love. Maybe this is a sign of a lasting relationship, full of love and finally stable sex. The future will tell.  Today I am 25 years old, I know I am ready to love and I know my sexuality.

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