I have absolutely no desire to fit in.
There, I said it. And I believe in it wholeheartedly. Sure, I have my insecurities. I guess they stem from what society, or rather gay culture thinks is acceptable, hot, attractive and whatnot. but these days I try to not let my insecurities get the best of me. And I think that that is part of the reason why I agreed to do this photoshoot. I wanna show myself. As is. Not in the exhib sense….. ok maybe a little… (nah jokes )… but more in a way which says “see guys?! This is me. Does it match with the image you’ve created of me over the years?”
I’ve never been the one to follow the beaten path. Sometimes I feel like I’m a feisty little terrier that grabs on to something and doesn’t let go until it’s won. From a young age I’ve always said that I wanted to be a farmer. But since my grandparents on either side had left the farms at a young age and my parents grew up in the village I had to find land that I could farm on elsewhere. Fortunately family members helped me out and these days I can say that I am quite proud of the farm that I have created. Born out of passion and vision, my herd of pigs is my pride.
Days revolve around their care. My success is reflected in their thrivance and in the contents of my fridge and freezer.
I suppose many guys see a rugged farmer as one of those “hot” professions. The type that they make calendars of. You know, firefighters, policemen…. rugbyplayers. I may have been guilty of posting a thirst trap photo …. or 30… on my Instagram page. But does this mean I always have to BE and FEEL sexy? I purposely don’t share too many shirtless selfies, as I don’t want to get in the way of the farming message that I want to get across. However, being a gay farmer with a following does give me somewhat of a platform to speak out and show diversity within agriculture. How do you get people’s attention? Cute pics of baby animals, butchering, veg gardens or shameless selfies?
Sometimes when I post a pic of myself, which generally always gets three times as many likes as a general farm photo, I laugh and think to myself “well, even thirsty gay men have gotta eat, right?”. Maybe it will bring some new customers.
Dilemma’s. What to do and what to say. I’ll ponder over it whilst I go feed the hungry pigs. The porcine kind that is.
So I guess we are back at square one. People made an image of me in their minds. If it’s correct, I don’t know.
But this is me. As is.
With absolutely no desire to fit in.