I am a scientist, I am a dreamer. This is who I am. I believe in true love, in soulmates spread somewhere at the edges of the world, I believe in love at first sight. It seems like my life floats between my rational being and my extremely emotional irrational part. I have always been curious in understanding the deepest mechanisms of the universe asking all the time why certain things happen, consequently the desperate research of a satisfying explanation so I decided to study the most intimate secrets of life at the molecular level. Only recently I have started to realize that not all the questions should have an answer, probably because an real answer does not exist, who can say what is the universe? Others, instead, should remain without because the truth could be very miserable. I observe life through harsh eyes, a filters on the reality that seems too rude, too unfair. Karma gives as Karma takes.
I was born under the sign of a wistful longing. People usually think I am too blue at my age, in my condition. My sight is marked by nostalgia for something that you really do not know if it actually happened. But to be considered the melancholic guy doesn’t help, especially to hang out with other guy. You know, nobody likes those with a too much serious face. Although my cynicism, I do not act as a pessimistic. Dreaming and hoping for a better future since I was a child, dreaming great things: freedom to be what I want, freedom to express my emotions, to love.
To be gay has been a burden for too many years. Keeping this weight inside me had become unbearable and my life turned into a big lie. I hid behind a finger for fear to be judged or rejected by my friends, my parents, the countryside society of North of Italy, where the conditions are still unripe towards the different. What’s wrong with loving a boy as a boy? and which fault do I have? so many questions in my head kept me up at night.
What’s wrong with loving a boy as a boy? and which fault do I have? so many questions in my head kept me up at night. One spring day of several years ago, I don’t remember exactly when, destiny suddenly took away a dear uncle of mine, leaving us at a very young age. In that moment so many thoughts were crowding my mind, thoughts about life and many times ended in “what’s the point of all this?”. After that I started to release myself from the cage I built and free my feeling buried for too long. I do not believe in God as described by several religions. For me God is the universe and the way he acts is call randomness. We are fruits of the probability and chances, we have the chance to live only one life so I strongly believe that it should be lived without regret. A regret is more painful than a possible negative result after trying. But sometimes exist things that are really unreachable, like two parallel lines, they will never meet. So lonely for the eternity, their love will be vanish. Love is natural, instinctive, and no one can deny us this privilege of human beings, it is a gift from our DNA, old as the world. Differences exist but are minimal, we share the same space in time, we, human, still hate each other instead of to love, do you ever think about it?
Although I understand a lot of the chemistry of love and the reasons why we fall in love, I refuse to think about it and I let love conquers my mind and free my irrationality that makes it so overwhelming and beautiful. We need strong emotions to feel alive. I moved to Brussels also to find the real love. I love Brussels because it actually gave me the love I had been looking for a long time, of an amazing American boy, but at the same time I hate this city because it brought me away too soon and every corner reminds me our moments, moments in which I felt happiness crossing my entire body. I’m still trying to understand this city, the city that belongs to no one. We are all in transit, we are all too busy with our careers and lives. Maybe I am wrong, but I just want to stop, enjoy the moment and think. I want to stop time, because it takes so much (maybe too many) time and energy to share experiences, fall in love and love and we don’t have it.
I just want to let people understand that love is the only worthy thing to live for, the medicine to loneliness and makes feel human. Don’t be scared to express your feelings because there is no another chance.
