When I chose to pose for photographers and represent myself through pictures, I realized that part of it was because I always considered myself as the cerebral type, and I felt like I completely lacked of physical spontaneity. I can be a bit nerd sometimes, and modeling brought me a certain lightness, a frivolity that allowed me to properly embody myself.
It also questioned my relation to narcissism. I haven’t look at myself in a mirror before I was 16 years old, and I had no idea what narcissism could be. Someone had to explain it to me. I also had to be explained that some people were attracted to me, it’s something I simply had not considered at the time, and had to be told. I felt really surprised. Then I realized the power it gives you, the power « others » give you for that. I learnt the enjoyment of narcissism but also its limits. You should not believe anything people say about you, whether it’s good or bad.
Also, I never believed in beauty standards. It’s so much more interesting to find beauty somewhere else. I never had any type of men, I had sex with what I would call young adults, but also men that could be the age of my grand-pa. Same goes for body types. I love that stretch cause it does not feel like one, it’s very natural to me.
I try to be very cautious about the image of sexuality I can portray. Of course, I’m engaged for a liberated and empowered sexuality for everyone. But I also don’t wanna take part in the consumerist idea of our times that everything is about sex, that everyone wants to have it all the time, and that will make you feel that something’s wrong with you when you’re not horny.
I think this is one of the issues the community has to face at the moment. It can be even more dramatic with people struggling with having sex dates that fully satisfy them. Not being horny sometimes is something that I learnt to respect a lot from myself.
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