I don’t really know how nor why but I’ve always thought that love and sex don’t have to be related. Even as a child, I kind of felt it. And it happened to be true. I mean I can really love someone without having sex. And, of course, having sex without any kind of love feeling. Though, I must say sex without love is so much easier to find and to enjoy than love without sex. Sex nowadays is so easy to find, always an option a go-between, even a way just to fill up spare time. And I’m always kind of ready for it. Apps are sure a great option for this but I kind of miss the discoveries one can have on the moment. Through apps, you know what the other person is into and know in advance what will happen, even if of course surprises are still possible.
Love, on the other hand, is so hard to find and thus, I’ve never looked for it. But I’m very lucky cause I’ve always loved. And always been loved. Since I’m a teenager, I’ve never been single. Love without sex is a bit more difficult to figure out but it happens, mostly when in a polyamorous relationship (or so I guess). Sex of course still happens but is not central. Tenderness, attention, and deep feelings can be expressed in so many ways.
There is an analysis dividing love into 3 different focuses: erotic (sex), attachment (bound and deep feelings) & romance (everyday little attentions). It looks like I live in the middle of those 3 directions. And that I have different men fulfilling one or another part of the equation. It is very rewarding and a bit exhausting sometimes.
For instance, in a day, I can sometimes have sex with someone, say “I love you” to another person and getting and giving everyday attention to a 3rd person. It is a kind of triangle and each part of it is not always equal. But they always influence and interpenetrate. For instance, if I have good sex, or discover new lovers, new practices or kinks, it sure has an influence on the way I behave with my boyfriend. A BDSM session would make me more tender at home. Or more dominant and demanding about romance. And so on.
I love it even though I must admit it can be difficult for some of them to understand and admit. It is such a cliché to say communication is the key. It is true but one must know it’s also very difficult. To understand what I want, what I feel, how I can verbalize this. And of course, what the other persons can hear. It’s a lifetime challenge and a never-ending process. But it is so fulfilling at the same time. And yes, I am now able (and actually I’ve always been) to say that I have a great love and sex situation. I’m lucky to be full of love and full of sex. And gosh, I really enjoy it!
May it last forever!