When you are born different in a heteronormative society and within a traditional family, accepting yourself becomes an internal struggle, which is never fully won. Small victories are achieved, but for this you have to be constant and tenacious.
A small victory was coming out of the closet. Although with this I was able to feel a little freer and, over time, proud, I remain on countless occasions, a prisoner of the stereotypes, prejudices and social conventions in which I was raised and with which I live every day.
What they will say, think or how they treat me becomes part of the routine. Because if it is already difficult to accept yourself, it is even more difficult to show my true self without any mask, without having to change the register according to the situation or place.
From having to measure the words I use, the haircut I wear or the clothes I wear on a daily basis. And sometimes I don’t even know who I am, because I’m still finding out. When I was little I liked things that were not “typical” of children: my mother’s heels, gymnastics, other children …
Sometimes I had to lie, in others pretend or hide, do it secretly or stay with the desire, which is what I hate the most. In addition to the fact that although we attach great importance to it, sexual condition is just one part of someone’s personality. There are many more things that make up the spectrum of a person and it seems that if you are gay you have to act and you have to like certain things in particular.
It’s a battle against falling into clichés, fitting in and being yourself at the same time. Life for a person who is different is not easy, but why should it be? I like to think that all those internal conflicts and all those adversities have made me who I am, know myself more, and above all know what I really want.