Change is rarely comfortable. Most of us spend years trying to create stability, routines, and identities that make life feel predictable and safe. Yet the moments that shape us most profoundly often begin when something no longer fits, be it career, relationship, where we live, or even the version of ourselves we have outgrown. Change asks us to step into uncertainty before we know where it will lead. And that takes courage.
For a long time, I believed life should follow a rational and carefully planned path. After university, I began my career in the private sector before returning to academia and graduate studies. Then an unexpected opportunity in international development took my life in a completely new direction and opened the door to an international career that would shape the next chapter of my life.
Over the years, I lived in ten countries across three continents and travelled to nearly one hundred more. Experiencing different cultures and constantly adapting to new environments transformed not only how I see the world, but also how I understand people, interpersonal connections, and, most importantly, myself. Every transition required letting go of old identities and build a new one in an environment of uncertainty.
For most of my life, I approached the world intellectually. I was deeply rational, analytical, and scientifically minded. But eventually I realised that understanding life logically is not the same as living it. Some of the biggest transformations happen when we allow space for creativity, intuition, emotion, and spirituality.
So eventually my last transformation led me to leave my conventional “9 to 5” corporate job and go freelance to focus fully on helping people navigate their own transformations using schema coaching on the cognitive level to understand why we are stuck in life, and Reiki on the spiritual level to reconnect mind, body, and spirit into a balanced whole.
Looking back, none of the biggest transformations in my life arrived at convenient moments. But every meaningful chapter began the moment I stopped resisting change and started trusting the process.
As Carl Jung wrote: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
I had left the town a few years ago to start my life in the capital. I had left behind a place that never felt entirely mine and I had left behind all audience of the queer world that I could only glimpse through screens. A part of me wanted to live and encounter everything that, despite not having been denied, seemed to escape the common habitat of my being.
Now I work in an LGTBIQ+ cocktail pub; I have made the night my niche. The weeks go by and, with them, a series of clients appear in the establishment who have become regulars, some so much so that they are part of my daily life. I have surrounded myself with very good people and I am happy. I have also had my potholes, my wells of pain and emptiness. Life is not simple.
There is always something to do; You work long and hard to be able to afford your life here. I suppose that whoever wants something, something costs him. The days slip through my hands, the minute hand doesn’t stop and I don’t know if at some point I will be so tired of the frenzy that living here can be, for the moment I still want to discover what awaits me here.
I haven’t been there for long, but I have seen how the capital consumes people, how it wears them down and how they end up returning to their place of origin or looking for a more peaceful alternative. I seek harmony and temperance in the eventful destiny, in the unpredictable life that I have decided to take, trying to find an oasis of peace and tranquility in the empire of concrete, traffic, clubs, among transvestites and excesses.
I’m afraid of losing my sense of knowing who I am or what I want in my life, even though I think I’m doing it right. There is no doubt that, as the days go by, I am the Félix Hortolano that I want to be.
→ I am Cris, 33yo, living in Barcelona and working in IT.
I could say I am enjoying life right now, feeling happy with myself and the people around me.
• Where are you right now (physically or emotionally)?
→ I live in the wonderful city of Barcelona and I started a relationship recently. Right now I feel like I can open myself up and be more vulnerable.
• What is your favorite place on earth?
→ Japan, without a doubt. I admire both the beauty and the culture Japan represents. Ever since I was a little kid I watched anime and read manga wishing one day I would visit it. This dream is yet to come but I am sure one day I will make it happen.
• What has been on your mind lately?
→ I have been thinking a lot about the result of our actions and honesty; in the city I live, nowadays, not a lot of people show their true self or make actions that go beyond themselves. I think it is a process we all go through, we feel lonely, we shut ourselves down and look for immediate pleasure. Sometimes we need to cross that border and explore beyond that. Only honesty and vulnerability will attract the right people your way.
• What’s a small thing that brings you joy?
→ I love to see people smiling and having fun; taking care of others and make them feel comfortable and in a good space is important. I am always laying jokes around and waiting for people’s reaction – it is priceless to see someone smiling, that joy.
• What’s something people often misunderstand about you?
→ Sometimes people might think I am cold because I have a huge resting bitch face 😊 I am quite an introvert (especially when meeting new people – first contact) and sometimes I struggle to start a conversation. People around me always laugh about the first encounter – because it is quite different from who I really am. I am working on trying to be more open and put that shyness aside.
• Something or someone that you are currently obsessed with? → My boyfriend (laughs). To be honest, I am quite obsessed with going to the gym; for me it is a place of peace, makes me put my mind at ease and disconnected from everything.
Body & Relationship
• What attracts you to someone?
→ Honesty. I don’t care about looks or judging a book by its cover. I need to see how you really are inside, whether you are kind or not. Looks can change but the inside will stay there, you can work with it, nonetheless some conducts are forever.
Honesty and kindness will make a guy 100% hotter than the rest.
• What makes you feel desired?
→ Physical touch and intimacy. There is nothing like having contact with someone you love and being caressed and desired by it. I think it is both sensual and sexual in a way. To create a safe space where you can connect with someone.
• What is a part of your body you appreciate?
→ I would say my legs. I used to not like them at all but then I started noticing that they are quite different and in that I found their beauty.
Sometimes we judge ourselves too harshly and hide the beauty we already have and don’t see.
• How do you see yourself when you look at your photos?
→ You made it!Now I can look at my pictures and find me attractive. I don’t need to have a perfect body, just embrace it and love it.
• How has the relationship with your body changed over time? → I hated my body and learnt how to appreciate it now. Sometimes we are in our heads and everything we see is bad things about ourselves. We need to appreciate our body as being unique and that it is ok to not have a normative body.
• Red flags and green flags in a relationship/date
→ Being sincere and welcoming – Looking at the eyes of the other person 🡪 Green flag.
Looking around while you speak – Checking your phone every now and then 🡪 Red flag.
• Your ideal location for a date?
→ It doesn’t need to be a perfect place, just the perfect person. When you are around someone you love or appreciate, you can even be on a desert island where you are going to have a good time and become that ideal location.
• Flirty or shy at first?
→ I am super super super (super again) shy. After two beers it gets better.
I got better with my shyness but I still have some thingies to work with.
Sex & Intimacy
• When do you feel most connected during sex? → When I can hold that person and look directly into his eyes, the eye contact is followed by touch and kissing his lips.
• What turns you on (physically, emotionally, mentally)?
→ Connection and kissing. Vulnerability. Honesty.
• What makes a sexual experience feel good beyond the physical?
→ When you get to the point of trust with that person, I believe then you can experience and do a lot of things. In my case I experimented doing different things just by having someone I trust by my side and then feel comfortable to distinguish what I like and I don’t like.
Finally
• Tell us one random thing about you:
→ I love having sex while listening to music. I enjoy creating a cute playlist for it.
Sex and music combined can go deep in your brain and make you feel thousands of emotions at once.
Name / Nickname: Sergio Pinel Instagram: @srgiopinelfilm
About You
• Introduce yourself in a few words. →My name is Sergio Pinel, I’m 32 years old, and I’m a Catalan from Tarragona, although my whole family is from Andalusia. I currently live alone in Barcelona and work as an architect. I’ve been taking nude photos of myself practically since I came out in 2019 (very late) and I keep a diary of absolutely everything that goes through this dysfunctional head of mine.
• Where are you right now (physically or emotionally)? →Physically in a family apartment near Sagrada Familia (otherwise I couldn’t afford to live in Barcelona) and emotionally somewhere along the path between the person I thought I was and the person I want to be.
• What is your favorite place on earth? →Perhaps here a random park in Paris in spring and a very small cove (naked) in my city Tarragona in summer are competing.
• What has been on your mind lately? →Ugh, my mind is a hurricane. Lately I’ve been thinking about whether my job as an architect makes me happy or not, why I haven’t had a boyfriend yet (is it my fault?), or whether I’ll have enough self-esteem in 2026 to make a fanzine with my photos.
• What’s a small thing that brings you joy? →Something that happened a few days ago. Spring, a sunny day, the smell of sunscreen, music in headphones, and bare torsos in a park in my city.
• What’s something people often misunderstand about you? →People often don’t understand why a shy guy who stutters would share his dick on Instagram stories. I’m not always horny, and I’m not always that brave.
• Something or someone that you are currently obsessed with? →I don’t idolize anyone. Although it’s funny because I easily idealize the men who come into my life.
Body & Relationship
• What attracts you to someone? →I like weirdos, people who can teach me things, interested in any kind of art but without being pretentious. Oh, and I pay a lot of attention to faces; lately, I’m drawn to the unibrows (on both men and women).
• What makes you feel desired? →I find it hard to believe compliments, but we all like to hear nice things. Once, a guy printed out a picture of me and came on it; I guess that made me feel desired AF.
• What is a part of your body you appreciate? →I’ve hated it for years, but maybe it’s my pectus excavatum. It makes me look like I have huge boobs, hahaha.
• How do you see yourself when you look at your photos? →It’s funny, I only see myself in photos where I look bad. I find it hard to accept that we only look good in certain lighting, poses, and attitudes.
• How has the relationship with your body changed over time? →Things have changed a lot. I’ve always been a very thin kid, with no muscle in my body. In 2018 I started exercising (most LGBT kids grow up hating sports), in 2019 I started taking self-portraits, and in 2020 I started sexting like crazy. I’ve gradually become an exhibitionist. Now I love being seen naked.
• Red flags and green flags in a relationship/date →A red flag could be discovering they’re irritable; I’m very sensitive and can’t stand yelling. A green flag would be if the guy sends me songs that remind him of me.
• Your ideal location for a date? →My forest and beaches of La Marquesa, in Tarragona. Lying among the rocks, naked, with fresh fruit.
• Flirty or shy at first? →Online, definitely both. In person, I’m shy at first, but I don’t mind being the first to approach and brush against a leg while we chat.
• Tell us about a crush you have had. →In 2021, I fell in love with a guy I barely knew from Instagram. I’ve recently been rereading my journals from those months, and it was crazy. That’s when I realized how intense I can be at first.
Sex & Intimacy
• When do you feel most connected during sex? →Being inside someone and looking them in the eyes is really intense if you stop to think about it.
• What turns you on (physically, emotionally, mentally)? →Lots of things. Physically, I’m turned on by prominent veins, a nice lower belly, and a very wet cock. A hug with sweaty bodies, sexy underwear, and waiting for the semen to turn into water on the chest.
• What makes a sexual experience feel good beyond the physical? →When you come and don’t want to run away, that means something went right.
• What do you wish people were more open about when it comes to sex? →Definitely the exhibition. I would love for all guys to enjoy being photographed during sex, recording it, and sharing their love.
• Any kinks? →My biggest kink might be exhibitionism. I once did it with a guy from Grindr, and we sent videos of the sexual encounter to his boyfriend at the same time (with the consent and pleasure of the third party, of course).
• Tell us a fantasy of yours. →I like sex in public places. So, I don’t know, maybe we should take it a step further next time. And maybe someone should stay and watch. The more the merrier.
• Use a few words to describe what good sex is to you? →The one who never wanted it to end.
• Share a memorable experience (without going into too many details): →Any of the many times I’ve done it on the beach and someone’s been watching. In those moments I feel like a wild animal.
Finally
• Tell us one random thing about you: →It’s not something random, but it’s something I tell EVERYONE who knows me. I’ve had anxiety disorder for 18 years now. For a long time, I thought it was something that defined me (I’m so glad I didn’t mention it until the last question), but now I think it’s just something that’s with me along the path.
Featured Photographer: Stuart Alexander Carruthers
Through a half-open door, intimacy becomes image. Not performance, not spectacle — just the quiet architecture of two bodies learning each other in the dark. Softness, held within the frame.
No one ever really asked me that before. And when the question came, I panicked— as if I had been living a life without ever holding its narrative in my own hands.
I can tell you the story I was given but that’s sad. I can also present you the script I did so far, if you want me to sound cool. But let me tell you what’s real after all.
Maybe that’s because, for so long, I lived a story written by others. You are born, they hand you a name, a shape, a script and you don’t question it. You perform it.
Until something doesn’t fit.
Until you feel like an imposter in your own life, like the etiquette they taught you was designed for someone else.
So you wander. You doubt. You turn against yourself for not aligning.
And then you decide: fine. I’ll become something else.
But even that feels borrowed.
A new label, a new set of rules, just another costume with different stitching. I followed every instruction— the anonymous, the discreet, the masculine, the feminine, the open, the undefined. I did it all, exactly as prescribed.
And still—
here I am.
Somewhere in between. On that thin, trembling line where black and white dissolve into something uncertain.
I try to be gray— you know a mix of black and white , just to exist quietly in the middle.
But something in me refuses.
Because what shines through isn’t gray at all— it’s silver.
Restless and reflective
Silver is not what I became, but what remained when I stopped pretending.
Maybe that’s my story.
Not a fixed identity, but a continuous blurry reflection
A quiet, stubborn fight to belong— to exist— to be seen.
And, perhaps one day, to let go of the script I was given and simply be that restless silver— not a borrowed shape, but the truth pacing inside it, not a life performed, but a heart finally allowed to bit in its own rhythm.
Well, that’s the story so far and looking forward to see what I will become.
About You: • Introduce yourself in a few words. →Woof! Dezydery here, but you can call me Dezy. Based in Warsaw. A nostalgic soul with a soft spot for anime, manga, and pretty much the entire world of animation (my tattoos say it all). Once a Spice Boy, always a Spice Boy. I enjoy long walks, bike rides, horror movies, and dancing like nobody’s watching. Living with Type 1 diabetes, but it is another part of my story.
• Where are you right now (physically or emotionally)? → Physically, I’m in my happy place – my home. Emotionally, I feel grounded and moving in a really good direction
• What is your favorite place on earth? →Anywhere there’s sunshine and people with good energy and a positive attitude.
• What has been on your mind lately? → Embracing change and trusting that beautiful things are on their way.
• What’s a small thing that brings you joy? → Listening to music, eating strawberries, and sharing a really good kiss.
• What’s something people often misunderstand about you? → Sometimes people think I’m judgmental, but it’s really just my resting face. Once I smile, that changes quickly. Deep down, I’m a very warm, sweet, affectionate person that love a good laugh – definitely a hugger.
• Something or someone that you are currently obsessed with? →”Crybaby” and his work of art.
Body & Relationship • What attracts you to someone? → Personality, passion, a great sense of humor… and definitely good music taste.
• What makes you feel desired? →When someone shows genuine interest. Asking about my day, my thoughts, even my dreams. Wanting to spend time together and just be present means everything. Sometimes the smallest gestures say the most. And don’t get me wrong here sexting is also very appreciated.
• What is a part of your body you appreciate? → My legs, bum and penis. I’ve learned to appreciate my body more over time.
• How do you see yourself when you look at your photos? →I see growth. Sometimes it’s hard to believe how much I’ve changed, especially comparing my teenage years to now.
• How has the relationship with your body changed over time? → I’d describe it as a journey toward acceptance and I’m still evolving.
• Red flags and green flags in a relationship/date → Green flag: kindness and respect toward others and oneself. → Red flag: narcissistic behavior or poor communication. Mutual respect is essential.
• Your ideal location for a date? →Anywhere, as long as the person is present and not distracted by their phone.
• Flirty or shy at first? → A little bit of both. Depends on the vibe.
Sex & Intimacy • When do you feel most connected during sex? →Through closeness. Eye contact, affection, and shared energy or spanks.
• What turns you on (physically, emotionally, mentally)? → A great kiss. It’s essential for me.
• What makes a sexual experience feel good beyond the physical? → The connection afterward: talking, laughing, and enjoying each other’s presence.
• What do you wish people were more open about when it comes to sex? →Honest conversations about safe sex and well-being. I think gay community is now a bit lost due to chem-sex pandemic.
• Any kinks? → I’m drawn to certain aesthetics. Like strong features(nice thighs), a bit of edge(leather-ish accesories), and confidence.
• Tell us a fantasy of yours. → Experiencing intimacy in zero gravity, something surreal and out of this world, like being in a spaceship surrounded by the universe.
• Use a few words to describe what good sex is to you? → Mutual pleasure, connection, and shared energy.
• Share a memorable experience (without going into too many details): →Last summer moment that felt incredibly immersive and almost otherworldly. I was in my searchimg for new expirance era, and tried ‘shrooms. Sex on shrooms wqs beyond magical and sensual. Like having sex with the universe.
Finally • Tell us one random thing about you: →I once cried watching an episode of Battlestar Galactica. It really stayed with me.
