I’m not quite sure when I discovered that I actually enjoy being nude.
Growing up there was always so much shame associated with nudity. Or sex. Or sexuality. It was something to never talk about, never in polite conversation, and often conversations around any of it were either reserved for raunchy boasting, or sleazy sneak peeks at the chapter on reproduction in middle school biology that our teacher would pretend did not exist and skip over.
Fast forward years and I was doing a lot more advocacy around sexuality and sexual rights among my peers: other queer and questioning young people who had been told who we were and what we desired were wrong, were illegal, and were to never be talked about. We fought, the law changed, society started talking more about queerness. On a personal level, liberation around my sexuality led to liberation around my sexual wants, and you’d think what would automatically follow was unlearning the shame we were force fed around our bodies and nakedness. But nope, it’s never that easy to come by.
In the summer of 2015, I had my first nude beach experience on Fire Island in New York. As a poor grad student studying in NYC an overnight on Fire Island would have ruined me financially, and frankly I had never even heard of it when my friend invited me to come along with his partner for a day trip. I remember them proudly introducing me to this cornerstone of the US East Coast gay experience. They showed me around, taking me from historic Cherry Grove to The Pines via the meat rack, which was also my first experience seeing cruising and sex out in nature, though mind you this was around noon so most of the woodland creatures were still napping from last night’s party. We went to this stretch of beach in The Pines and my friends took off all their clothes, all so casually, and sat down to soak some sun. I followed suit, surprisingly feeling no hesitation. I remember this afternoon very well because they made it seem so normal, so natural, to just want to be one with nature, let the sun glimmer on your skin as the waves licked your feet.
In the years that followed, I kept on seeking out nude beaches during my travels, but also at home. The first Covid summer in the Netherlands was a gorgeous one, and outdoor hangs were permitted, so I would go to these nude gatherings on the beach in the dunes of IJmuiden on the North Sea. The nude section was a bit of a trek from the main beach, but it was so refreshing to meet others who enjoyed being in the nude, who were comfortable in their skin. When the bars and clubs reopened, such hangouts faded out too, unfortunately. At times they resurface, like on that unseasonably warm sunny day in May, when some like-minded folks head down to Gaasperplas here in Amsterdam to read a book in the nude, and others head to Nieuwe Meer to soak some sun, take a dip, enjoy the views of naked men cruising in this wooded lakeside area, and perhaps partake in some if that’s the mood of the afternoon.
It’s quite commonplace to conflate nudity and sex, and that makes it challenging for some to enjoy nudism without the sexual connotations either arising from or being expected of it. Many a friend has shied away from going to a nude beach or a naked night at a bar (of which we have many now in Amsterdam) for this very reason, and more often than not it’s about unwanted sexual attention. It’s a tricky situation to navigate given that even today we have to remind people why consent is important, and especially the fact that nudity does not imply consent. Thankfully, the beaches and bar nights I am drawn to seem to be frequented by people who observe and respect consent very well. And personally speaking: sometimes I just want to soak up the sun, enjoy a drink and chat, and at other times I might want to explore and engage more. Sexual desire emerging from true comfort and ease, coupled with the excitement that comes from a good conversation, is for me the ultimate firestarter!
As my comfort with being nude grows, so does my curiosity. For instance: this is only my second ever photoshoot in the nude! And I’m looking forward to going on a naked hike this summer. Nudity has become quite enjoyable: to break free and just be in your own element, love the feeling of the air, the sun, the water on every part of yourself. It’s a different kind of freedom, an acceptance, a comfort of being one with yourself. And that’s a journey I want to continue on for life.