I had my coming out to family and friends at age 25. Of course I had known that I’m gay way before, even before knowing what “gay” actually meant.
Even though I grew up in a very loving and liberal environment, I always found “reasons” not to come out sooner.
When I finally did, it wasn’t this earth-shattering moment I had dreaded or expected. My family was mostly like “Yeah. We kinda knew. No problem” and friends were actually happy for me.
I do consider myself rather privileged, not having experienced any negative aspects after coming out. Of course, living in a city like Berlin definitely helped making things easier. Being gay was never an issue for me here.
I lived my life openly, never hiding that I’m gay but also never “putting it out there” for everybody to see. Sure, I went to Pride parades and enjoyed going to gay clubs. But I was never really much into the “gay scene”. I just didn’t feel like that was “my thing” or that I would truly enjoy it. My priorities were more along the line of work, partnership and family.
Hookups, 24 hour parties, cruising and darkrooms weren’t part of my life and I didn’t feel like I was missing something. I was actually in my forties when I went to a gay sauna for the first time.
Some may call it a midlife-crisis, but things started to change when I hit my mid-fifties. It wasn’t the number itself or the feeling of missing out. It was more the thought of “life is full of opportunities and experiences. Why leave them untried?”
So I decided that it’s time to just say “Yes” more often. Especially in situations where I would normally have said no. Simple things really.
Going on a holiday to a gay destination by myself? Yes.
Dancing the night away with people I had just met? Yes
Doing a nude Photoshoot? Yes
Going on a gay cruise with someone I had just met? Yes
Exploring the cruising area and enjoying it? Yes
Talking to strangers at a bar and having wonderful conversations? Yes
Making an Onlyfans account and actually creating content? Yes
The list goes on. Maybe I’m doing things that I missed out on without realizing I missed them. Or maybe it’s just the realization that you can only regret the things that you didn’t do. Life is too short for regrets and it’s never too late to make new experiences.
Carpe diem.