“The gloom of desire”
I am afraid. Afraid to shine light on my darkness and go blind. That part of me that hides at
all costs, in such a way that it remains solid. Within me live at least two men, two of whom
represent who I believe to be. Each is a character I have created in my mind, trying to
understand the incomprehensible. One aspires to the satisfaction of light and the other
seems to drown in the gloom of desire.
For part of my life I grew up unknowingly in repression of my truth, a truth that is not
universal and is mine alone. The convergence between two apparently opposite beings
that culminates in my existence. To this day I am not certain whether I am oppressor or
oppressed, probably both in a constant dance that often results in extremes that pull me
down harder and harder.
I declare myself absolutely incongruent and at times intrinsically vulnerable to the
impossibility of being able to balance my shadows in the incessant transformation. Dance
of which I dream and become inspired to observe with wonder that the most beautiful
moments come unexpectedly but never go unnoticed. I used to limit myself by longing to
satisfy expectation, unaware that in doing so I was denying the complex essence from
which I was created. With ups and downs, I barely manage to glimpse what lies beyond
that fear and the infinite possibilities that come through that open door.
It is the door to my freedom. The freedom to lose myself in darkness and remember the
way back. By playing with fire I find my peace, it is there where I can see myself. It is the
meeting place on the other side of the mirror. Such an encounter is the bravest act a man
can experience. It is in the shadow that I find the light.
