I’m not gonna talk about some sexual encounter, because I’m not sure if it would define anything, and besides I realized pretty quickly that I didn’t get much out of hookups and passing euphoria’s, and there’s enough books to learn about the rest. So, identity. Isn’t it what we all strive for, especially as queer individuals navigating a world that too often seeks to diminish us. Every day, our identities face attacks, sometimes alarmingly close to home, like in Brussels.
Within our community, I feel we sometimes feel a pressure to conform to certain standards, perhaps stemming from a belief that there is limited space for us to shine. We may feel we need to achieve more than the average straight person, to be the epitome of “gayness,” to forget about homophobia and own it. For privileged gays, who grew up in accepting environments and with financial means, this journey to finding yourself and accepting might actually take more time. While I’ve learned a lot about myself, I am still trying to understand my vulnerabilities, my story, who I am, and who I want to become. I am constantly reflecting on how I want to live, what I enjoy about myself, where I feel most at home, and what I can improve to finally find my place.
A significant part of this involves understanding myself, but it also involves navigating the expectations of others. These perceived expectations often drive us, shaping our identities and actions. Yet, amidst this, how do we maintain sensitivity for our loved ones and strangers alike? How do we express empathy while protecting ourselves from the negativity of being blocked, ghosted, or left on read?! We all want to fit in but also want to stick out right?
For a time, I defined my identity by not having a fixed one. But also that has limits, cause how do you count when less is more? Still, who are you when you grew up a local but you switched to the eurobubble? When you came out late but your family is the most accepting you could dream of? When you think of yourself as reflected but you have a tattoo that doesn’t mean shit?! As everyone, part of the journey was to understand who I wanted to be surrounded by, people who push you but who also accept you and understand you the way you are. I feel like intrinsically, our community will get more and more diverse as there is more acceptance around us.
Trauma can make us stronger, but also more erratic and sectarian. identity is not about meeting external standards or achieving a definitive label. It’s okay to be a work in progress. It’s about finding peace in the complexity and understanding that our worth isn’t diminished by our differences or the parts of ourselves that don’t neatly align.