I ejaculated five minutes ago. Saying goodbye to the guy who was getting dressed in the locker room, I grabbed two cigarettes: one for me and one for my friend waiting for me upstairs. I closed my locker, another guy arrived while the first one I fucked was now out of the establishment.

This second guy, let’s call him A., was really hot. Not too tall, dynamic body, blond, charming blue eyes and a little smile. It’s not just his body that was dynamic. His mind was lively, very lively. He was drugged and that did not detract from his beauty.

A. approached me directly, without detour: “Oh but there’s already a handsome guy here.” He began to undress. I looked away out of respect or out of habit. “Don’t be shy about watching,” he exclaimed, opening the towel he’s wrapping around his waist. Everything excited me and he suggested that I meet him in the jacuzzi before kissing me.

It’s direct and effective. That didn’t take away from its charm. I don’t like it when it’s ambiguous and when we waste our time procrastinating. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have flirty skills and that we can’t be patient. I like it when the guy fully assumes his impulses.

In the smoking room, I reported on the “locker room” episode to my friend before we headed towards the jacuzzi to join A. I put the towel that covers my private part on the railing. I hesitated to hide my manhood behind my hand. In the rush and this reflection, I slipped. I landed straight in the water. Luckily A. caught me. Usually, I have more confidence. Now, I feel like I’m a little intimidated. Out of pride, I pulled myself together. I pretended not to have pain in the soles of the feet and that this slide was perfectly controlled. After all, I was already in the arms of A. Too easy.

Simple little glances and we decided to get out of the water. We put our towel around the waist and were about to go to the sauna to dry off. In the sauna, A. asked me how I found the two guys on our right. One was older if we look at the greyness of his hair and the imperfections of his skin. The other was young, Latino, well built… We deduced that the second was the gigolo of the first.

I let A. know that the young guy didn’t bother me, but that I didn’t want to fuck with the old guy. A. said the old man will just watch. As I agreed and the two followed us upstairs.

A. wanted the cabin door to remain open. I’m not against a little audience. I like feeling like a porn star. First A. took me while the Latino sucked me. After a while, A. stood up and wanted me to fuck him. After two positions, he gotinto doggy style. I penetrated him and he ended up fucking the old man too. In the meantime, two, three, four guys, maybe more, walked back and forth in the cabin. To suck or just watch.

A. wanted to quit. Suddenly. He got hot flashes from the drugs. We went down and sat on the armchairs near the jacuzzi. It’s cooler, A. regained his energy. He told me that he really liked me before going to sit on the sofa opposite to feel the guy who, with his legs spread, let his balls hang under his towel.

The guy in question was not alone, he was embarrassed. A. hunting on another sofa. He seeked to satisfy his impulses and did not give up. I felt like I was facing a distorting mirror. A mirror that exaggerates my action. A. told me that hewas going to the bathroom and I told him that I was going to leave.

A. quickly found me in the locker room and insisted on having my Instagram. He made me understand that I was completely his style. On the way home, I received a message from him: he wants to meet again, to have a restaurant kind of date, something completely different. This time, I didn’t know if it’s the drugs talking. Is it also an impulse?

I don’t really know if I liked it. I just feel like I’m having an overdose of sex. I think A. just excited me and I wasn’t in the right predisposition to fully appreciate the moment. I want to see him again. Out of curiosity. Sober.

At least I boosted my self-esteem and confidence. I lived up to my reputation. I feel like I have some kind of magical power and I want to beat my record. Fuck more guys than I’ve ever fucked. In fact, it’s so easy for me that I don’t miss it. Not just sex. Tenderness too. I have so many intimate and caring moments with guys in addition to gang bangs in saunas. I don’t need to get attached to any particular guy. Being in a relationship kind of terrifies me. I’m afraid of being locked up again and forgetting myself, disappearing.

The good emotions that I have already felt as a couple, I experience them with my plans for an evening, a night, a day or a weekend. I’m not in withdrawal, but it won’t last forever. I have my own kryptonite: time and indifference. That’s why I get photographed. To stop time, to be looked at, to preserve my charm, my youth and my beauty. I think what scares me the most is realizing one day or another that I am empty and uninteresting.