July 2024
By Chris Chi
Sharing stories about us
| Hello beautiful people, Yesterday evening I went to my friend Daniel’s place after a photoshoot. It’s a kind of naked after work drink/board game event. In the end, we simply drank and talked the whole evening, only posed in front of the board game for photo. Being naked on the sofa, it was very liberating. The conversation flew naturally, touching upon many interesting and deep topics. And frankly wine might have helped a little too. It’s the first time for me to be naked in front of others for such a long time, but it felt very honest. Maybe because we were all naked and had nothing to hide. We talked about Gran Canaria as I just came back from there. It seems that most of the gay people have tales to tell about the island. I’ve heard stories about the pride, the dunes, and cruising bars. In a way, my experiences might be slightly a bit different. When I told Daniel that I didn’t stay at his favorite rainbow gay resort and didn’t visit Yumbo at night, I could tell that he’s slightly a bit disappointed. My tales are different, but they are nice as well. I have the feeling that I would like to go back there again in the near future. |
Memory – A Sex Shoot in KL
| There is a youtube channel made by a Chinese couple who moved to Penang to enjoy their retirement. They made videos on local food, places of interest and culture. It definitely initiated a great interest in this country Malaysia inside of me, especially when I hadn’t returned to Asia for 5 years. I imagined Kuala Lumpur similar to Bangkok, a cosmopolitan city that blends modernity and tradition perfectly, a city where you feel the fast pace of life but still could slow down and enjoy walking around in small local neighborhoods and find peace in well-hidden corners. But I was wrong. Kuala Lumpur is not a walkable city, not only because of its climate but also the urban design. Pedestrian roads are almost of non-existence in some districts, which have caused a bit of frustration to me. However, thanks to my friend Avi who drove me around and brought me to different areas of the city so that I could still get a taste of what KL had to offer. Another subject that I couldn’t overlook is the situation for gays. Malaysia is a muslim country. It can be said that it’s not easy to be gay there, especially for muslims. Malaysia still has penal codes for homosexual activities. I asked a few people how the situation was for them. They all said, it’s ok if you are Chinese or Indian but to be muslim and gay, it’s very hard. When I met Sebastian Aris, a Colombian onlyfans content creator who lives in Bangkok now, he said it’s very difficult to find people here to collaborate, compared to Thailand, Taiwan, and other East Asian countries. Nevertheless, he did manage to find a local Chinese couple to shoot some videos. I was the cameraman. We went to Sebastian’s hotel room. We could see Petronas Towers right out of the window. “We are gonna get this view while fucking!” Sebastian said with excitement. I kind of liked the idea. This landmark in a porn video, a contrast between authoritarian rules and the freedom people live for. Then they fucked and fucked. It’s an intense 3some, since everyone of them was verse (if I remember correctly, hmm, maybe 2 of them). I remember the sweat dripping down their faces and their bodies, I remember the heat in the room and I remember the noise that they made. The Chinese couple were so vocal and loud that I was a bit scared at a certain moment, because I was afraid that they might attract discontent from the neighbors and they might call the police. I told them to lower the volume, but what can you do when they are in ecstasy and out of control? I have never felt that when shooting a model or a sex scene. I have already considered photographing or videotaping is a moment of freedom and expression, but in Kuala Lumpur, I was afraid. And I shouldn’t have been afraid. Damn! So yeah, it’s definitely a memorable experience. Despite the fact that the boys were super hot and the video was great, I can’t shake off the negative taste of this experience. No one should live in fear of being who you are. Please, change, Malaysia. |
The Trip to Gran Canaria
| There was little expectation before the trip started. I just knew I had to get away from Brussels, to take a break and to be alone. Summer in Europe, if we can call it summer this year, is always high reason for tourism. Revenge travel combined with high inflation has made most of the popular destinations unaffordable. Surprisingly Gran Canaria reminds one of the few cheaper destinations. The idea of visiting Gran Canaria had appeared in my mind several times. My husband was never really a fan of it, due to its reputation of being a gay destination. Stories I heard from people who had visited the island are mainly about the gay (crusing/night) life. After so many years, meeting and photographying gays, having a different understanding/look of sexuality, I finally decided it’s time to visit it, simply to be there, to see what it had to offer without expectation. I barely did any research before my trip started. At the airport, I quickly searched for the top sightseeing spots on google and there I went. After 5 hours’ flying, I jumped into the rental car and started my journey of 11 days. I stayed away from Yumbo and resisted the temptation to live the infamous nightlife in Maspalomas. Being there is simply enough. Going to the dunes and enjoying the gay beach are just fine. I still can’t open myself up to the ruthless gay cruising/dating game. “I don’t need that.” I told myself. “What for? Only more loneliness and frustration.” At the age of 41, I think it’s already too late to change this fundamental aspect of oneself about how we pursue relationships and love. Maspalomas, a strange existence on the planet earth, on this island. I wondered how this came into being in the first place and who had this idea of creating this industry that focuses mainly on gay tourists. It’s hard for me to comprehend. |
| I didn’t schedule any photoshoot during this trip. I still wanted to make connections with people. As cliche as it sounds, apps are often the last resort. There have been several invitations for sex which I passed without hesitation. Then, I matched with Luis on Bumble. He sent me a message asking how the island was treating me. Then after probably an exchange of 10 messages, he said “I still haven’t had lunch. Text me later” and sent me a picture of his lunch. Later when we texted again I just had a terrible dinner, the worst meal of the entire trip. He was empathetic and sent me a recommendation. Maybe I was caught in a bad mood and felt like ranting, or more, tired of being alone and wanting to have conversations with real people. I asked him if he’d come to Maspalomas in the coming days. Without thinking too much, we fixed a sunset coffee. And it later turned into a dinner with reservation at a fancy restaurant. We kept on talking. He likes to use/type “innit” instead of “isn’t it”. I found it amusing. He asked me to send him some selfies at the beach. So I did without being overly flirty. So, Luis, what impression did I have about him before I met him in person? He’s slim and he’s witty. It feels like he’s always got the response ready no matter what you say to him. He throws some jokes from time to time but the conversation still stays serious enough. I liked that. I am comfortable with meeting strangers. As a matter of fact I am used to it because of my project. My instinct is usually good enough to avoid unpleasant encounters. I had a good feeling about Luis. Perhaps because of his sincere way of suggesting some interesting options including music festivals, and his willingness to drive 45 minutes from the north to Maspalomas for a coffee date. He must be a kind guy right? |
| Afternoons in Maspalomas are hot. The sun heats up the dunes, the sea and the road. I seek refuge at the hotel. I texted him “send me a message before you get on the road as I am still training in the gym”. When I got the message from him, he had already arrived at the hotel. He’s punctual because he mentioned our dinner reservation was at 7pm. “An extra point for him”. I thought secretly. I ran straight out of the gym and greeted him at the hotel. He was wearing a beige shirt and black sandals, “casual sexy” as we said. He’s slim, just like his photos. My training t-shirt was soaked with sweat. I took him back to the room and said I would shower and change. He went straight to the terrace, sat there, and waited. I dried myself, put on my t-shirt, shorts and sandals. He entered the room and looked at me. “What do you think?” I asked. Then he said “It’s more casual than sexy.” My mouth fell open. “Ouch! That honest?! Wow!!!” I laughed. It’s so refreshing to hear something like this, unfiltered, brutally honest. He said it exactly like how he did on Bumble, fast, without being diplomatic. I was actually delighted, rather than annoyed. “Ok, I guess I am not sexy. Fine, fine, I will change.” I took off my shorts, stepped out of the sandals and changed into pants and shoes in front of him. “Better? Approved?” He nodded. Apparently he was a bit embarrassed by me making a joke about this whole situation. This made me look forward to the dinner more. We walked on the quiet roads accompanied by palm trees and white houses. I forgot about what we said on the way to the restaurant. Probably still making jokes about my failed dress code attempt. But our mood was good when we arrived at the restaurant. We ordered a bottle of wine. Until today I still believe it’s a bottle or Rioja, but he insisted it’s Ribera. I liked the wine. It’s smooth, round, and pleasant, like our conversation. I got to know that he enjoys cooking. He sent me a picture of fried fish the other day. It looked so good that I was jealous. He was bisexual and was married for 16 years. I didn’t think it’s a big deal. Everyone has his own stories, right? What matters is the present and where we are now. The food was delicious. He’s not very satisfied with the foie gras. “Why?” “Because it doesn’t have much flavor.” “I disagree. The taste is subtle and balanced.” That’s the moment when I realized he’s more Spanish than I thought, a Spanish man who danced Flamenco and has a passion for music, a man whose life has drastically changed not long ago. |
He wanted to smoke. We moved to another table a bit further from the patio. We talked more while we talked more. He asked me if I was married. A question I get a lot these days since I am wearing his rings now. “I was married but I don’t know if I am still married now.” Maybe it’s the wine, maybe it’s the whole trip experience, I got emotional. “Cry. It’s nice.” He said. Tears fell down my cheeks. “Yeah it’s nice.” We are both 42, give or taken a few months. We have both been married once in our life. We have both had the experience of true love. Or as he put it we can tick “love true” off our list. And yet, we are very different people with different temperament and personalities. As the night wrapped around us, so did our emotions unfold.
I think he’s a few steps ahead of me, in terms of dealing with life. While he’s already good at being on his own, I am still struggling to learn to rely more on myself. While he already sees his ex-wife as his best friend, I am still mourning the loss of my husband. I remember I asked him later what he wants the most in his current life. He said, “to find small happy moments every day”. I asked if he’s able to find them. He said “most of the time”. That made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy for him, sad because I know I still have a long way to go.
His demeanor and tone of speaking changed after we finished the wine. He’s more talkative and perhaps feeling at ease, he’s more bold. He kept telling me “You are so handsome.” I was not used to this kind of straightforward compliment therefore I remained silent most of the time. I told him that he’s tipsy. Slightly annoyed, he shouted “Why pay for wine if we don’t get tipsy?” It has something to do with culture. Chinese people are not used to proclaiming their love. I wonder if I acted like a cold hearted bitch as he complained about my silence. Only on the 3rd day, also the day of my return to Belgium, I told him, “You are handsome too.” He jumped and screamed with a big smile on his face “Finally I have been waiting for this!” It’s silly but I was happy to see him like that as if he’s relieved.
Yes, we met again. The next day he drove again to Maspalomas and took me to the beach, unknown to the tourists but still closeby. We spent a good amount of time there, got naked, and swam in the sea. We talked more. We hugged and kissed. On the last day, I drove to his village. He greeted me on the street, with that signature smile. He cooked chipirones and introduced me to make Gazpacho. We bought jamon iberico and red wine, still discussing which wine we had for the first dinner. It’s a hot day. In his house, we ate and napped. At one moment, he sat outside, on the terrace, in front of the door. His expression calmed down. I felt this was the moment that he opened up to me, without guard. And we could talk about emotions and feelings, and exchange our differences. I think deep down, we are the same, men trying to survive in this world and try to find happiness. We want the same thing, connections and holding on to something that might become our anchor of life.
Confession
(Leo in Brussels)
When I was 12, I met this man
He told me I was beautiful
He told me I was young
He said, “You’re over 18, right?
He offered me a beer
He handed it to me
The bubbles of the beer made my hand and arm move
And my whole body began to sparkle
Then he said, “You’re beautiful. Just relax”.
His hand went to my chest
It caressed my skin
While my body sparkled, he said over and over again
“you’re beautiful”
I stopped
I wasn’t doing anything
He did everything, sometimes he even did too much, sometimes he even hurt me
“You are beautiful” he said
And his hands would go away and I’d go back to my homework
And when my homework took too long, and when my skin aged, I would go back and hear once again
“You’re beautiful”
Then there were others
In hotels, in cellars, in their cars
I was beautiful for all those men
And I felt great, and I felt powerful, and I felt privileged that no one else was as beautiful as I was
So maybe they thought I was the most beautiful.
And then everything stopped, everything got buried, and I never felt beautiful again
Hottest Cruising Stories
I knew I was heading to one of the most famous cruising place in Europe, the dunes in Maspalomas. Personally I filmed people cruising in Berlin parks and woods. I saw people getting business done behind the rocks on the beach in Sitges. But cruising, alone in public space, searching for sex with strangers, is still very intimidaating to me. So I asked my follwers on IG about their experiences. Surprisingly, out of 200 people who answered the survey 84% enjoys cruising and 70% have cruised. Then I asked “What is your hottest cruising story?”. Oh boy, I got some quite hot stories!
READ THE CRUISING STORIES
FEATURED ARTIST: BrumeFILM
Photos by Brumefilm
Meet the Artist Behind Brumefilm Photography
Hey there! I’m Camilo Heredia, the creative soul behind Brumefilm Photography. My passion lies in capturing the sensual beauty of men, with a focus on vibrant, bright colors that bring my photos to life. I absolutely love shooting outdoors, especially during the sunny summer days when the light is just perfect. I shoot exclusively on film, which adds a timeless and authentic feel to my work. Each photo tells a story of confidence and allure, highlighting the unique charm of my subjects. Follow my journey on Instagram @brumefilm and see the world through my colorful, sun-soaked lens. Let’s create something beautiful together!
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