In the years before I came to Berlin, parts of this city were suspicious to me. Now I live freedom and for the time being I can’t imagine living in another city.
But from the very beginning. During my trip to India, which lasted several months, I was able to free myself, free from my previous life, the stupid situations at school, life with my parents in the countryside and, above all, Bavaria. I wanted to get away, I wanted to get to know the world, but especially myself. That was by no means possible in the Bavarian countryside. I therefore did everything I could to get a place at university in Berlin, which ultimately worked out.
So in April 2014 it was “Servus” Bavaria and “Hallo” Berlin. In the first few months, I still had to get used to my new life, and finding “real” friends and not just party acquaintances proved to be a challenge in the non-committal city. After a few months it worked out and I met a couple in a bar/club, let’s call them Marwin and Marius. They should accompany me from now on over nine years in different constellations.
After we met, it sparked on several levels. Marius and I were so horny for each other that we met again a few days later to fuck. At that time, PrEP was not yet available in Germany, but we were aware that we had to fuck without condom. That’s how it happened. It was a risk that I had never taken before, but it was the desire and the horniness that got the better of us.
Of course, it then had to happen with Marwin. A weekend later, the three of us met at a party to go to my place afterwards and have fun. It went on for the entire Sunday…
I owe a lot to those two guys. Starting with accepting myself for who I am. Back then I shaved my chest hair because I was given a different image of how gay people should be than I was. Today, I and a guy or two are thankful that they managed to banish the razor from the shower. I love my hairiness since then!
Both took me to well known clubs and parties in Berlin for the first time. I learned so much. At times it was overwhelming, but that’s exactly what I wanted and needed. I wanted to soak up life, experience everything and join in.
As the weeks went by, a ménage à trois developed. There were only three of us performing. Some teasingly called us Tick, Trick and Track, but we didn’t care. We did what we always wanted to do – together.
The sex was good, but not really varied. Everyone had their role and served it. It was fun, of course, but in retrospect I like variety, the unexpected in every way.
A few years later, my semester abroad was coming up. This separation in time and place changed everything. The ménage à trois was history. But the relationship developed into a very close friendship, at least with Marwin. Marius sank more and more into health and psychological problems from this point on. Self-medication with substances remained unsuccessful and made everything worse – until today. The friendship with him from that point on consisted of consuming on his part.
As I said, I owe so much to these two. Starting with the acceptance of myself, the freedom to discover myself anew or for the first time completely, the freedom to experiment, but ultimately also the freedom to let go and discover myself anew.
Our rift has reshuffled the cards. Even though disappointment, hurt and incomprehension still gnaw at me, I look forward to many new experiences. Letting myself go (uninhibitedly) in certain clubs is my current project.
Berlin remains for me the epitome of (sexual) freedom.