The adopted child who does not fit in the family

A while ago I found out that my parents were disappointed, at the adoption that had failed. During the adoption they had expressively asked for a normally gifted child but it turned out to be a problematic one.

The reason is because I have a mental handicap,(Brachycephaly, developmental delay of 9 months, IQ of 65), I have been rejected by 4 estranged people: my biological parents and my adoptive parents. My current adoptive parents with two children longed for a third child, and opted to take a hopeless child into their family. However, their desire for a third child was not fulfilled, at the moment I don’t know how to write anymore‚Ķ It has been 6-7 years without contact with my mother and only very little with my father.

At the age of 7 I was placed in a residential group (the border was mildly gifted, slightly mentally retarded), at the age of 14 I was transferred to an adolescent-adult residential group.

To kill time

I don’t think I’ve ever lived in such a structured way and been so closely watched by educators day in and day out. My days were monotonous, I hid myself away in my room to kill time, where I stayed until they call me for dinner and after dinner I sat back in my room with my pajamas on and brushed my teeth after that I lay on the bed to stare at the ceiling with tears in my eyes, not because I was homesick or in pain but because of sadness, a moment later I closed my eyes, my eyes and my cheeks felt moist, I felt where my tears had swirled, drying on my pillow the tears on the reverse side.

At 20:00 I sat down in the chair, I sat down next to a group member, my cheeks still felt damp, I quickly pulled my right sleeve before wiping it so that no one noticed, a little later the educator put each their medication box down on the table next to each other, each with a plastic colored cup with water in it, after she was done she called everyone to take their medication I had no idea what they were taking it, everyone was taking their medication they had to take, they would be back sitting in the couch, 2 hours later everyone had gone to sleep except me, I was still watching TV with a warm chamomile tea with honey in my hand. At 9:45 pm the educator said with a typical tone: “it is time for you to sleep Anderi you go upstairs!”, a few seconds later I stood up with a sigh and walked to the educator’s desk and said: “good night” and turned back to go upstairs, I walked up the stairs to my room, I put a clean T-shirt and clean underwear and socks ready for tomorrow morning before I went to bed,

I lay down in bed, The moon shone in front of my window, it was so beautiful how the shadows of the trees moved in the wind, a shadow play of moonlight projected on my wall.