In 2013, I met my boyfriend, and together, we started a special journey. Then, in 2018, we did something big – we moved to Berlin, a lively city that felt like a second home from the very beginning.

Berlin was like no place I’d been before. New places were waiting for us to explore. The people we met became our friends, and the city’s spirit became a part of us.

The nights in Berlin were amazing. We danced to techno music, and it felt like we were free to be ourselves. The parties were a blast, and I was having fun. I began going to techno parties and sex clubs. It was wild and exciting. I felt more confident and attractive. Even good-looking guys were interested in me, and it felt unreal. My self confidence jumped up.

I did things in Berlin that I never imagined. I went to sneaker parties and fucked with actors from porn films. It was like a dream, but it was real.

As time went on, I kept learning new things about myself. In the last couple of years, things were changing everywhere, especially because of the pandemic. People started showing their bodies and making videos and it was no longer called “sex tapes”. I thought this was interesting, so I decided to do the same, showing more of myself naked in the videos and photos. And I realised that I do enjoy that a lot.  

People ask me about my preferences. They want to know if I’m more dominant or submissive. Are you top or bottom???  I tell them I like both. I also learned that it’s okay or even better not to put labels on. And I realised that as my self confidence increased, I enjoyed more and more giving, not just receiving.

Another change was how I thought about attractiveness. Before, I liked a certain type of rough “masc” guys, but now I see that kindness is what matters more. Someone can be strong or dominant and still be nice and friendly. 

And then there’s smell – armpits, feet, socks, sneakers, cum, piss. In Berlin, this is about natural scent. Lab’s entrance says “no perfumes”. Another reason why I feel home in this city.  I was told by a friend of a friend “without you Berghain would smell boring”  – And this is probably the cutest compliment ever.

I agreed to take some pictures, but I was unsure. I thought our Berlin apartment, where my husband and I live, wasn’t rough or kinky enough. I used to struggle with taking pictures or making videos here. But then I realised, does it really matter? Our place might be normal, but it’s ours. Just like me – I might seem regular, but I’ve had some amazing experiences. The flat might be cute, but you can do kinky things here. 

So, my journey in Berlin goes on. It’s a journey of learning about myself, finding out what matters, and realising that sometimes the best moments come when you least expect them.