As a young, just out of the closet, gay guy, I felt that all I wanted was a normal life without being classified as a stereotype ‘out and proud’ gay.
Going out in the gay scene as a teenager was fun but being in love at that time was much more fun to me. My goal was to find a guy I could love, buy a house with and start building up an adult life. And that’s exactly what happened. During ten years I had the ‘perfect’ normal life, devoted to my job, hosting diner parties and hashtagging ‘#couplegoals’ on Instagram.
Until one day…blackout. Is this it? Is this the life I want to live during my short existence on this planet? A few months later I found myself saying goodbye to the past ten years, sold my house, and rented a small apartment for myself in Brussels. It was like reinventing myself! I’ve never lived by myself before.
Should I take advantage of the situation and start living my second youth? At the age of 32, I bought my first dildo, tried on my first jockstrap, hosted my first boys’ night, and enjoyed all the fun and sex I could get. I remember inviting a guy who was completely into dominating roleplay including socks, sneakers, jockstraps and golden showers. ‘The basics’ I would hear a lot of my friends say. It’s my first experience that turned out into a fetish today.
In my opinion there still exists some kind of cliché when talking about serious relationships. I experienced it as being as classic and casual as can be. ‘Hey babe, should we try bondage?’ Are you crazy? ‘Or how about fisting?’ Have you gone completely insane? I saw myself as a bad boyfriend for not being satisfied with the classic sex or not wanting to give in to the strange requests of my own boyfriend. Once single, all these barriers seem to fade immediately. Talking to a guy on Grindr for a day and finding myself tied up to my bed the same night became the new normal! What’s wrong with me?
I feel like trying out sexual fantasies with a complete stranger is less awkward than trying them out with your partner. If it doesn’t work out, you know you’ll never see the guy again. If it would be for my partner, I would be scared to disappoint him. All this is just to describe how much you can learn about sexual freedom at 32 years old. Now I’m traveling the world for work, seeking new sexual experiences and checking out my limits.
Looking back at all I did the past 2 years, I consider myself open to the idea of sharing my life again with someone but at least this time I can say ‘I had fun and enjoyed every single minute of it.