Fitting in… Sounds easy, but is it? I’m not so sure. As a young adult i started to ask myself
some question. Do people like me for who I am, for what I have or for how I look? All of this I rooted in vanity, I’m well aware of that, but is it just about vanity or is there something deeper involved?
Speculation rarely results in something tangible, so we had to undertake some form of action. I had to learn how to talk about those very personal feelings. Not an easy task! Sharing those feelings with someone else is really hard, yet at the same time very liberating. You cannot get to know yourself without allowing others in. It’s the others that help you see who you are.
Allowing others in takes courage. It takes courage to open up and to be honest with
someone. It takes the same courage to be open and honest with yourself. Fighting your
own demons is hard. Really hard. It takes a lot of work to accept yourself for who you are, how you look and what you’re capable of.
My venture into the modeling business was a real eye opener for me. I was thinking about it for so lang but I was too scared to fully invest myself in it. Look here it got me now! Seeing myself through the eyes of the other is in sense very liberating yet confronting at the same time. I see myself, knowing it is me in the picture, and yet I don’t believe it. “Is that really me? Do I look like that?” are just some of the questions that rise up. Other times I see my insecurities enlarged on screen or in print… That can be quite challenging. Still, the reward I got out of it, is well worth it! I feel at home in my body. I know from experience that it’s difficult to feel that way. Especially as a queer man.
We feel pressure to fit into certain roles. We feel bad if we don’t live up to the expectations of the people around us and even of society as whole. In the end, non of this matters. Letting go is the best way to fit in. Being yourself is the best way to fit in. Taking care of yourself is the best way to fit in. I do this everyday and I am getting better and better at it. All of this as a way of fitting in.