I’ve stayed for 6 years with my ex. We wanted different things and we knew we couldn’t make each other happy. So in order to not stand in each other’s pursuit of happiness, we broke up. That was two years ago.
I’ve came to realize that I still love him, and he still loves me. We didn’t break up because there was no more love left or because someone cheated, but rather because there was too much love.
Nowadays we are talking about getting back together. But we still want different things. I don’t want to be in an open relationship, he wants to be in one. It is quite hurtful to me when thinking that I am not enough for him.
He asked me a few times if I wanted to give it a try again, but back then the wound was still fresh. I was still healing and not ready for anything.
But two weeks ago I asked him the same question. He wants to. But he still wonders if he’s good for me, if we’re good for each other. So we’re thinking and talking.
On the paper, my ex is everything I want, physically and personally. But we don’t agree on a very important pillar of the relationship.
I want to be able to look back at my life and think that I’ve been true to myself.
I have a belief system when it comes to relationship. I feel like being in an open relationship is the new paradigm to avoid loneliness while still enjoying others, especially in the gay scene. It’s a trend.
People want zero frustration in life and only pleasure, even though it means hurting the others. And I am deeply convinced that even when they both agree to it, there is always one of the two who’s getting hurt and has to compromise.
I respect the other’s belief system, and it if they say it is working for them, then great. But this is not who I am.
Friends are telling me that I should test it before to say no. But then, where is the limit? Where your principles? How can I trust someone who would abandon his own belief system in the blink of an eye?
There’s a million ways of being happy in life, and that one seems like the easy way out.
I would lose a little bit of myself by agreeing to it. I am honest with myself.
But I am feeling like a minority in a minority. This is the new normal, and meeting other guys who have the same belief system as me is becoming challenging. I have a lot of love to give, and I want to be happy with someone, I like being that committed to one person. But if it means abandoning my whole belief system, then I’d rather be alone. I am not afraid of that.