Once, I fell in love 

It was such a nice meeting, everything looked like it was in a movie. It was summer, I was traveling, discovering a lot about so many European countries with my friend and suddenly, it appears. 

We were in Albania, having a free tour with other travellers and I saw him. His dark curly hair, his little eyes, his curiosity and innocence. I didn’t understand what I felt, but I felt it and I think he did as well. Can’t exactly explain why I think it, but I know. After the tour we had a drink with him and others from the tour. What a time ; this time we could travel anywhere, go to a bar till the end of the night, chilling in a park to enjoy the sun. Seems like years ago. 

From there we had what we can call a crush. We had some walks visiting the city, laughing for nothing, talking about our lives and our travels, eating at restaurants and drinking wine. We kissed for the first time on the rooftop of a museum and had three incredible days together before leaving each other to continue our own roads. But we already were in love. 

We continued chatting for six months, almost everyday, trying to feed what we experienced till the day we could meet again. And that day arrived when he came to Brussels for a week. And the feelings were still there till the moment he left back. 

Don’t exactly what changed for him after but I never saw him again.

This is the painful moment.

Nowadays I’m wondering if I’m still able to feel something for someone. I feel the lack of my sexual and romantic education. As LGBTQIA+ person, it’s even more difficult to explore and to learn about his own sexuality. I feel like the only shy and heteronormative education that I may have doesn’t give me nothing concrete. Just a phantasm. And the lack of references added by the porn industry are very influencing the way we have fun. And the way we fall in love.

I’ve seen a lot of people around me struggling with their feelings and being afraid of love or living in a world of fantasies that never satisfy them.

And I am part of it. A real single guy for years yet, and maybe for life, desperately dreaming about a special romance.