One year in.

A warm breeze wafts in through a slightly open window. The July sun beams into the room as I open my eyes, one year in. 

I sit up and stare out the window then turn to face my calendar. There’s a big circle around the fifth of July. I smile and memories of the past year flood my mind, one year in. 

Tears, smiles, pain, pleasure, love, loss. My year ran the gambit of human experiences and I sit here humbled. I sit here happy. I sit here safe. My body is my own, one year in. 

I stretch and stand and slowly make my way to the kitchen so present in my body. No more sickness, no more sadness from nights I don’t remember. No more pain from others. No more pain from myself. Just me, steady, tall, free, one year in. 

One year ago I woke up very differently. That memory will always be with me. One year ago I spent a week filling my body with poison, filling my friends ears with lies and bulldozing a relationship that was supposed to be my last. But now…the possibilities are endless. Getting out of my own way was all I had to do, one year in. 

The coffee brews and the smell floats through the air. Birds outside sing and my heart beats fast. The pride of accomplishment pulses through me. With friends in the other room and a man in my bed I realize that this is it, I’ve arrived. One year in. 

The passion from the night before still rings inside me. Awake, alive and present I felt like I could, and did, finally give myself to someone else. I could finally give myself to something else. What little discomfort I felt this morning was from pleasure, not pain. 

One year in. 

I finally felt like I could look forward into my life with certainty that things would be better. One year in. 

Today, one year in, I stand sober and strong on my own two feet. Today I’ve spent three hundred and sixty five days completely free. 

Today I’m one year in. 

Today I am proud. 

Today I am sober.

There is no other feeling like being truly alive, safe, and happy…one year in.