I think I only really started to assume myself sexually when I was 25 years old. Before that age, I had very conventional sexuality and the idea of getting out of this model seemed heresy to me. However, alongside this very heteronormative vision of sexuality, I had a very developed fantasy world that I did not assume.
This all started to change on the night of my twenty-fifth birthday. With the support of my boyfriend who was smarter than me on these issues, I realized one of my fantasies: my first threesome! Nice birthday present.
From this experience, I gradually understood that I could please and arouse desire, which I was not aware of until then. It’s a very strange feeling. From the age of thirty, I multiplied the experiences and began to gradually realize my fantasies.
At the same time, and following stressful situations at work, I had the need to externalize by practicing high-dose physical activity. I started with running and after four or five years I got into CrossFit. The surpassing of oneself implied by these disciples very quickly pleased me and I became totally invested in it. This allowed me to gradually refine myself and gain muscle mass. I will never be fine as in my dreams because I don’t have a frame that allows me to (damn genetics!) but I have gained confidence in myself, in my abilities, and in my body. This confidence was directly felt in my relationships with boys who were more attracted. It’s very nice to feel desired even if deep inside me, I still very often remain the insecure little boy.
Arrived at forty years, and after many pleasures and experiences, I am much more comfortable with myself and my sexuality. I still have many things to discover but I am now wondering about the direction I want to give to the sequel. We’ll see…