Two years ago i went through the worst time of my life. during and after break ups of a nine year relationship and more than ten years friendships with two people.
I knew something different was going on and could feel, that those people, who were my closest ones, my most loved and trusted ones were spreading different energies to me. Suddenly there were lies and things were put differently as they happened and because they supported each other, I felt lost. I lost myself. I knew some game was played, and it affected me a lot.
I was disappointed, heartbroken, insulted, left alone, by my most loved ones. The damage was so big that i was not able to see or feel the love from others anymore. I felt empty, paralyzed and suicidal.
Their games didn’t stop. There was no empathy and for some reason, they tried to see everything about me as negative, as if they never knew me, as if they were waiting all the years for me to be taken down and show signs of weakness so they could take off their masks and kick me over and over.
As I was trying to talk about what was going on inside me, those guys blamed me for playing a game and pretending to be suicidal to get some attention. It seemed like they would stab me and blame me for bleeding. I was judged without being listened to and than was ghosted.
The guy who told me for years that I was the love of his life, he would die without me and wanted to grow old with me… my two best friends who called me family… they both accused me of being not normal and then vanished from everything I used to know.
Something was seriously wrong, i could feel it, but couldn’t explain or understand. I felt I had to do it, forced to end the relationships. The end of it triggered a turning point. Now i could see that these guys were just manipulating me and they were almost succeeding. I started reading a lot about mental abuse and toxic people and started to understand what really happened. Finally i could name it, the narcissistic abuse.
I cried as i read examples about hidden abuse, which matched exactly to things I had experienced. I didn’t know anything about it before. After reading it, I felt reborn and the inner child woke up again and I did the first steps of closing that chapter of my life. still in the healing process, but so happy about what I have achieved so far.
Love, passion, positive energy and honesty is what I’m living for and all this was destroyed for a while. For some reason they tried hard and I was broken for a while but the nightmare is over now.
Today I ’ m happy that they disappeared from my life. Today i‘m more careful with people, I used to ignore the red flags because I only saw the good in people. I’m learning to forgive myself for emotionally and financially investing in wrong people.
I can trust again, love and feel passion and joy. For a long time I thought I could never be able to again. I reconnected with amazing people in my life and build new connections. I ’ m finding myself again and enjoying it like never before.