I was a little kid when I noticed I liked to be on stage.. well maybe not on stage per se but I knew I liked being observed: I liked the attention, the applause and the compliments. Wherever I’d be, I’d start dancing, I’d copy my favorite pop-stars moves and I’d put on a show, Aaliyah, Britney, Shakira, Destiny’s Child.. I knew all the choreos, and I made sure to show them off!
My mom started noticing this, she started noticing I had a natural talent and that in the future i’d most likely pursue this world. This is when she started prohibiting me of expressing myself this way, ‘this is for girls’, ‘this is too feminine’, ‘you’ll never be able to succeed in this world’, after all, this is the same person who told me I’d burn in hell after I came out as a gay man.
This is when the frustration began, I grew up not knowing what to do professionally, I’d see all my peers pursing careers, nurturing their talents and I was there.. lost, because, after all, I was explicitly banned from dancing inside my own home and I never really did like school. I did a bachelors and post graduation course that I do not relate to at all just to make my family proud.
Since then I’ve been only dancing around friends or at parties, and I always get compliments, I still enjoy them. But my mind always creates excuses for me to not pursue this world in a more ‘serious’ way. ‘I’m too old’ I think to myself, ‘I’m gonna be 30 soon and all of these professionals started as kids or teenagers at most’, so I kinda gave up on that.
But the ‘showing off’ part of my personality is still not gone. I still like to be observed, either dancing, pulling of a look or even while having sex. Nothing turns me more on than having sex while being observed, either when cruising, during a house party or during an orgy, I guess I can be called an exhibitionist.
Just recently I was in a queer festival close to Berlin, they had a cruising village, ‘the perfect spot for me’, I thought. I went there early Sunday morning and it was crowded, people were high and happy in this queer, utopian heaven. I entered a room full of sofas, everyone was naked but almost everyone was just chit-chatting and laughing. I saw this cute Colombian boy, with a big bubble butt in doggy position, waiting for someone to enter inside him. I started wanking, got hard, asked for his permission and entered inside him. Our bodies clashed against each other and we started a show: everyone around stopped chit-chatting and started looking at us, some put themselves behind me so they could have their turn on that sweet, round, juicy butt and others were complimenting me and asking ‘please, I want to be fucked by you next’, I can say this was a proud moment. I came inside him after around 15 minutes, he showed clear disappointment, I told him to not worry, I can go for a 2nd round pretty quickly, after all, I was being observed by dozens of men, and nothing turns me more on that that. I got hard again and we went for the 2nd round. It lasted way more than the last 15 minutes this time. We shared contacts and then I disappeared into the sea of hot, sweaty bodies that were looking for the same as me: raw, exhibitionist, unapologetic sex.
Many times, I find having sex with one person, inside one room, pretty boring. And this is how I found a middle ground of expressing myself creatively, showing off and still getting paid for it, I created my Onlyfans account. I’m still in the beginning and it takes a lot of work, but I’m already having more fun than any corporate job I’ve had so far, I hope it makes my momma proud!