“It is a sin,” they said, “to be who you are.”
The feeling that you are never enough. Never enough of a son, never enough of a brother, never enough of a man. The urge to change yourself to become what they want, to become ‘normal’.
From a very young age you already know that your time with your loved ones is temporary because once they know who you are you will become a complete stranger to them. No phone call, no text, not one last goodbye.
You need to watch out. With every step you take you need to think twice. You cannot be fully out and proud, maybe you will never be. However, you can do what you want but make sure you always keep it down a notch.
You can still show your femininity or wear those heels that you like. You can still be butch and cover yourself in makeup. You can be everything but, keep in mind, not everywhere.
“It is a sin,” they said, “to love him.”
That innocent little heart of yours who is just seeking for love. You, who just want to be loved. Trying to survive in this highly toxic community. You realise soon that the meaning of love is not the same for everyone. You realise soon that you are being tossed around between all those men who are not even worth your time.
But still you cried over that guy who was your first love. Who came into your life on a beautiful winter day with his dazzling green eyes and ghosted you because you were getting too much feelings for him.
But still you cried over that other guy who told you he would never broke your heart. Whose kiss took you to the Italian riviera and finally left you because he thought you took away his freedom.
“You are an outcast, who will die in hell.”
You are a sinner, an outcast, a faggot. The burden of the family. The one who will never get his happy ending. You were told everything possible by everyone possible. They judged you for who you are.
You kept looking for a home. Sometimes in the arms of a man, sometimes in the smile of guy. Too scared to let those feelings take you over, too scared to fit in somewhere. You made the lonely nights your home, the cigarettes your hugs and the music your happiness.
You already experienced what hell looks like, at this very young age. They already burned you down with their actions. They already destroyed your last bit of hope. You have been cursed already …
And because of that you have nothing to lose. You have no one but the family you made for your own. You have nothing but the dreams you made for your tiny little heart. You have nothing and yet you have so much.
You are queer for god’s sake, you are the greatest creation. You are beautiful, you are extraordinary, you are worth it!
You took the courage to show a glimpse of who you are to other people, to let them know that you exist that we, as a community, exist.
The hardest part about being queer is not what they say, it is about what you experience. So turn that experience into something unforgettable.