Nowadays, I feel like I’m getting older so rapidly, yet everything goes into slow motion. I’m moving and growing so fast in closing relationships, opening new ones, leaving behind older versions of myself and exploring new faces, which have always been existing inside of my complex soul. I used to be “fearless and secure” when I was younger, playing, chilling, caring about people their opinions and being an over social happy teenager everyone loved.
But all of this changed when I got bruised with that visionary personality I had signed for in the beginning. Despite the fact people loved me that way, I didn’t. I made me feel out of my element. It made me feel like I was drifting away from my identity core.
Last year, I decided to leave Ghent behind due lots of reasons I rather don’t want to mention. Perhaps, two of them. I had a huge fight with someone I deeply loved (and still love) and someone I recently got to know back then, collapsed under unbearable weight of this world, deciding not to go further.
The energy felt so negative, whereby I decided to leave everything I used to feel connected with and go to Antwerp. I promised myself to initiate a new resolution: following myself. This personal agreement caused counter reaction, since I evolved into someone new as soon as I began to wear feminin clothing.
My idea about happiness changed instantly, realizing that people will only love you if you keep walking in societal accepting lanes. My true identity gave me so much more self validation and maturity than before. Quite a reason to understand this personal development was the right one. My personality, as a part of my identity, changed with it too.
Before, I wanted people to love, appreciate and befriend me. Now I simply don’t need your approval, respect or admiration anymore. I turned out self reserved, anxious with my own thoughts sometimes and created a strong voice, in order to fight societal injustice.
I changed for the better. I could only suggest you not to be afraid to be happy too. I’m rather anxious whilst still following my dreams, than restrained without self love.