This story took place in 2018. I met my friend Elise at the end of march at Concrète a barge redesigned as a club in Paris. This place felt like home before it closed. I went with my two sister-besties Léïa and Laura to celebrate the 5th anniversary of the label Lobster Theremin led by Asquith. We met Elise this night at 2 or 3 am and exchanged our Facebook to keep in touch before leaving the place. I met Elise one week later for another Techno party called Flash Cocotte which is a LGBTQI+ group organizing gay techno parties in clubs. Since this party, we were very closed. We spent a lot of time together in and out.
Concrète often organized parties of 3 days called Samedimanche which started Friday night and ended on Monday morning at 2 am. I loved it so much! You could enter freely before midnight at every Concrète’s party, you just had to get stamped to have free access over the three days. Friday night we were doing a before at Elise’s place as usual and we headed to the club. We were on the list thanks to Elise who recently had sympathized with the club manager. The long dancing night under the spotlights, among the crowd, began. Elise met a guy and went back to his home at 8 am. I was sleeping at her place so she left her keys before leaving. 10:30 am I’m finally starting to feel exhausted when a guy came nearby me and asked me for a cigarette. I gave him one and took one for myself, I lighted it and he started to talk to me and suddenly kissed me in the middle of his chat without concert me. It didn’t feel wrong, on the very contrary, it felt fucking good! I felt attractive and powerful at this very moment even though I must have looked like shit, all sweaty and exhausting of dancing all night. Still, I was truly happy that he dared place his lips against mines.
He was feeling tired as well and proposed to me to head off the club. I told him that I was sleeping at my friend’s house and that she wasn’t there so we could sneak out there without telling her since I was supposed to go back alone.
The sun was already bright and high, he wanted to go to a café nearby Gare de Lyon so I followed him. He ordered for him a café and a croque-monsieur that we ate together. His name was Tristan just like mine, funny right? He was falling asleep on the table while the waiter was attending him to pay the check, I had to wake him then we left the café. We took a taxi, it was the very first time that I took a taxi. Our hands were tightened, he was cuddling mine while he was speaking to the driver. This sensation felt extremely warm and strong in my chest because nonetheless it was my first time in a taxi with a guy freshly met like two hours ago, but most of all he didn’t care to expose us and our intimacy in front of the driver like if we were a couple.
We arrived at Elise’s place, we sat on the sofa and started to chat with music at the background and kissing. Soon we both felt the need to sleep so we embraced on the sofa with a blanket on top of us. I couldn’t sleep at all but I tried my best. 5 pm, I was awake at 4:30 pm so I gently woke him up. We started to kiss again and get horny, so we did what we had to do, we had sex. It was short and uncompleted because of some distractions but it was nice anyway. He had to leave, I insisted to have his phone number and see each other again after this but he was reluctant to because he already had a boyfriend whom he was in love with. It was a distant relationship and it was difficult for him to bear even though he seemed really in love with his man. The thing is that he gave me during this short period of time the affection and tenderness that no one man ever did in my whole life. It felt that so singular and sweet that I couldn’t allow it to end now just like that so I insisted and he finally gave me his number.
I tried to reach him the three next following days but in vain. He wasn’t answering any of the few messages I texted him. I cried back at home in the middle of diner with my family. It surely was due to the exhaustion because of the long weekend, so the next day I send him my farewell in English because during our conversation he told me he is fluent. He finally answered me by telling me that my text was absolutely beautiful but that he shouldn’t have given me his phone number, that it was a mistake and he explained to me that for him emptiness is an answer which would lead me to drop the case and forget him.
The thing is, I will never forget you, Tristan. You and this very deep and lovely night-day you gave me. Even though it was just a few hours, even though for you it was just a mistake led by a lack of “present love”, a lack of sweetness and contact, a lack of sex, I will never forget you.