I am Umang Dwaipayana Vyasa. On Feb 28, 1993, I was born in a south Indian city called Hyderabad. I am the youngest child to parents where education, values, and respect matters more than life itself. I spent all my teen years in Hyderabad oblivious to the colors of sexuality and beauty of the human body. I was taught to pursue the wisdom to brian over chasing youthful aspirations of beauty or money. It took me a timeline to come to the terms that we need beauty, brain, and prosperity to survive this challenging world.
Being a year late with my puberty, I was the only feminine kid in high school with horny adolescents, which resulted in bullying at school and teen abuse by close relatives. These voices only affirmed that I am a submissive species for a dominant man. And my definition of love has been changed to being a play toy for the men who pay me attention. It didn’t take long to realize that I was enjoying my abuse. Every night I slept with a Conflict of feminine and masculine energies in me. To tell you an example, I was adamant in accepting my mustache on my face with a fear that my abusers would ignore me if I became manly. While battling my shame and self-guilt, I explored ways to be happy in a non-sexual context and found pseudo-peace in spirituality letting go of my youth so I could be free from the lewd feelings.
Spiritual lifestyle and suppression of desire only caused endless body-mind conflict. I got a chance to unlearn the years of irrationality and self-guilt when I joined the university in another city. I was lucky to discover what being queer means and slowly opened up to explore sexuality. I started nurturing my body that I abandoned for a long, I began to appreciate the duality of masculinity and femininity. Now I am here in Europe, where being queer is considered as natural as being straight. Being away from home gave me a chance to become an individual, to build my own definitions of love and beauty, not that told or imposed by others but from my own experience. I met interesting people during the past few years; some are finding their paths like me, some are lost, and some have reached their destination. Each meeting taught me something to cherish.
Amidst this isolating pandemic, I am learning to be less lonely in my own company and appreciate my body and find the sensuality in it. In the due course, I met a beautiful boy who gave me a taste of love and valued me for what I am rather than what I am expected to be. I hope to explore my future in his company 🙂
