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Despite having only recently discovered (one year ago) the liberating aspects of naturism: showing one’s body freely, without clothes… I guess I always had a connection with exhibitionist spaces. Like many other gay guys, I come from a small city in Italy where I had no chance to express my real personality. As I first approached sexuality, I always had to hide my urges due to the radically religious Italian mind.
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I was 16 when I started having sex with strangers and every date was the same: the guy came to my place with his car and brought me to a secluded place where we would enjoy a moment together, without any fear of being caught. Most of the time the guy was in a relationship, married with children, or closeted, so there was almost no dialogue between us. I had many dreams at that time of my life: travelling, studying, finding a handsome guy to have a perfect relationship with.
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But even when I moved away to study at university, I didn’t find all of this. Maybe I already knew that all these things I used to imagine were all just illusions, but I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself. Later I also discovered virtual sex thanks to a guy I met who lived in another city. It was weird at the beginning but I remember that my favorite time while being on cam was always when I had to take my clothes off and start touching my body…
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I was still young (20 maybe) and I wanted to learn more about this, but I was still feeling restricted by a society as quick to judge and criticize as How the Italian society is. What I started noticing even among the gay community I had became a part of, was a constantly patriarchal point of view in which being a bottom means being a bitch. Most gays forced themselves to act like tops because to them being a “top” meant strong, capable, and sure of himself. Everything changed when I moved to Paris 5 years ago.
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Parisians could be strange and repressed when u talk to them for the first time, but I can say they taught me how to live my sexuality free of taboo or repression. You can be called “coquin” (naughty) but you’re rarely judged as being a bitch. Practicing naturism was probably for me, a metaphorical escape from oppression. It meant having the possibility of accepting first of all my body but also achieving a high degree of self determination. I discovered naturism in the south of France, at Villeneuve beach. I can say it is a paradise and I still can feel the waves crashing against my naked body. For the first time I felt fusioned with the environment around me.
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Now naturism and being naked with friends in bars or in places like the bois de Vincennes has become normal, and this is often what I do in my free time. My friends and lovers accept it, I accept myself and sometimes there’s even a “coquin” side to it. I feel free and I’m never seen as a basic hoe. Now I believe in the person I want to become and when I’m at war with myself I remember to trust on myself and think about my rebirth and maybe going to Île du Levant next summer ! Who wants to join ? Lol