I never thought I would be a father one day. Witnessing birth and holding a baby in my arms, taking care of him night and day and watch him grow up is the most life changing experience.
I was a very shy introvert kid, growing up in a small town, alien to what most kids around me were into. I tried to fit in as best as I could but never quite managed to be become one of the cool kids. I grew up living a quite uneventful childhood and adolescence, escaping in a world of books and records. I convinced myself at 16-17 that I was interested in girls and even managed to have a girlfriend to conclude that something was missing. We broke up just before I went to college. A part of my life was ending there.
As a caterpillar undergoing complete metamorphosis, growing and pupate in a chrysalis, I was waiting to develop into a butterfly and fly off.
Going to college and discovering the world around me made me come out of my hibernation and made me start the metamorphosis. It took me some time to realize I was attracted to men and that I had to leave my secluded small town to find myself. A period of exploration began. Dating apps would come later and gay bars and events were few in my college town. My first gay sexual experience was in the locker room of the university gym. Many others would follow. I was curious and hungry and became even more so after graduating, earning a living and moving to Brussels, the big city. I met guys my age, older guys, married men even, guys in all shapes and colors. Sex was great and sometimes not so great but love remained elusive to me. A few painful unsuccessful attempts to build a relationship made me become quite weary of the gay life as I was stuck in the predictable but less and less satisfying nsa dating routine.
But then I met him … He was all I was not, outgoing, self-assured, focused. I was the yin to his yang. It all went quite smooth and rapidly as it should be. I met his family and he met mine, we travelled the world extensively and after a year we moved in with each other, bought a house and started to think about…having children. We both were quite critical about the often hedonistic but quite selfish and shallow gay lifestyle. It was not a way for us to conform or fit into society as we heard some people say to us but a way to transcend, to find a sense of purpose. We took years to think it over and talk about it and weighing the pros and cons. I was not convinced about adoption but then a totally different option came to us. A good lesbian friend of us also thought about parenthood and after lots of talking we decided to start this adventure together.
As planned and avidly expected as a child can be, he came into our 3 lives, changing it forever. For the next years our kid dictated our every step. Being 3 parents made it easier to combine work and leisure with parenthood although we never were so focused for our whole lives. So much so that my partner and I did not realize our relationship was gradually falling apart. After 14 years we decided to split as a couple but we continue to raise our kid together. I don’t want to end on a sour note. I’m grateful for what I have lived and continue to live through. A chapter has been closed. New ones have opened up since.