The stale phrase that “opposites attract” seems to be incorrect nowadays when one think of gay couples looking like their own mirror image. But it’s absolutely true when we’re thinking about us – not only visually, but also mentally: Marcel is an eternal optimist, a social being with great communication skills; everybody seems to fall in love with his warmness, always following his heart. Whereas Matthias is a confirmed pessimist, who seems to be unapproachable sometimes, withdrawn and thinks always rational.
We’re together for nearly 16 years; spending almost the half of our lives together. Our diversity may be one key to our long-lasting relationship cause each of us likes to have a little more of the skills that the other has and admires them in a way. Another one is definitely that we share the same standards of faithfulness and trust. Maybe it’s that we met as innocent kids, who were never been heartbroken before – both not wasting a thought on “where this is going”. Kids who have grown together and discovered the possibilities of the world. But maybe it’s just the mystery of love that can’t be explained completely and we just are damn lucky ones.
We shared everything together right from the start, living together on 8 square meters after two weeks. Never been apart since then like doves swimming on a pond or parrots sitting on a branchlet. Everything seems to be easy; always wondering why people say that relationships are hard work because it never was. But life isn’t always easy.
Matthias: ” I suffered from anxieties for all of my life and things got worse when I stumbled into a burn-out depression, being unable to work or leave the apartment or even leave the bed the whole last year. Losing the touch of life. Somehow disappearing – not only for the rest of the world, but also all of my characteristics; feeling numb and being unable to laugh or love. And I’m honest, without Marcel I wouldn’t probably have the possibility to tell that story anymore. He was the one, that kept me going on when the thought of going that final step and leaving that joyless and senseless world behind hit my mind. But I couldn’t do this to him cause I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving him alone and destroying his life.”
Matthias: “Taking a little notice that he wrote once to me out of my wallet that says that we can get through this together, when the moment of killing myself was far too near. And I always felt sorry for being not able to talk to him hiding under blankets from this world. But once as he wasn’t able to stand this anymore and seriously thinking of ending our relationship, I knew that I have to get my ass up to get healthy again. And he did everything to help me to get out of depression and I will always be thankful for that. Now I’m slowly climbing out of the abyss, I even love him more. In fact it’s like falling in love for the first time, after feeling nothing for over a year.”
Marcel:” I have to admit that it took a long time recognizing that something is wrong with Matthias. I started a new job which made me really happy. I set my focus on working while thinking life goes pretty well now: new job, great relationship. What could be better? But I didn’t know or recognize that Matthias’ mental state got worse from week to week, month to month. He was pretending that everything’s ok cause he didn’t like me to worry. But what I recognized was that he somehow showed me his cold shoulder, stopped talking about himself, stopped asking questions like: “How was your working day?”, stopped cuddling and taking his escapes by going to Parties alone.”
Marcel: “I thought he didn’t love or like me anymore. And that’s
why I withdraw myself from him. Which was exactly the wrong step. Then one day he had a nervous breakdown and I realized that he was deep in depression already. I didn’t know what to do. Every time I tried to talk with him about it and tried to help him he fell in an even deeper hole. And I was telling myself:” Depression is a disease. Be patient.” One day there was no energy left and I wanted to get out of this sad home, this relationship. But then he started seriously trying to get better. Now I know that I didn’t want to leave him, instead I wanted to flee from the disease.”
We believe that one gets stronger after a crisis. And we feel that this is the case with our relationship. Before Matthias’ disease no proof was needed that we can weather everything that comes in our way. Now the evidence is furnished, we’re assured that it’s us against the uncertainties of our existence forever. One can say that the stale phrase that “love conquers everything” is absolutely true when thinking about us, too.
(Section of Magazine Issue 2)