Free is the first word that comes to my mind when I think of us.Some people would feel guilty for feeling free in their relationship – for even wishing to have more freedom. Free evokes ideas of separation, a slight disdain for connections, to people, things and places. A desire to constantly try something new, consume and move on. No one wants to be treated like that. That is not the kind of freedom I am talking about.
I feel free when I am with you because I do not feel forced to be, dress or behave in a certain way, and I feel that our relationship does not have to be in any certain way. Before becoming official, we had been dating for five whole months, until on a Tuesday night of late August I looked at you, a slice of pizza in my hand, and asked, shall we tell everyone that we’re together now? You have never rushed me. You always say that you like to go with the flow. And although that sometimes drives the compulsive planner in me crazy, that is exactly the kind of space I needed.
I feel free because you allow me space to grow, explore, express myself. Because just like me, you do not understand jealousy. Because at the end of the day, it does not matter that we are free to meet and fuck other people. Your kisses feel the best, your touch is what yearn for.
I resisted so long before meeting you, almost two months. You offered to take some pictures of me yet I could not discern whether you were into me and were using the pictures as an excuse, or you only wanted the shots and nothing more. Being naked in front of a camera scared me a lot, too. Your kindness, your smile and your beautiful eyes, though, soon got me naked. I felt comfortable with you from the moment I snug you inside my room. I felt comfortable enough to share my bed and my life, my love and my lovers.
People grow, change and all I want is someone I can do that with. Someone who respects my choices even when they do not agree – someone I want to be there for, and care for. Someone I can laugh with, talk with, fight with, make love to and keep loving. Someone I can be free with.