Changes are mostly providing ground for something new: in order to grow, often something else has to give way. And that basically doesn’t mean anything bad. This is what happened to me after a long relationship, which ended 3 years ago. Many people know this kind of deep dark hole into which one falls after such a period. You spend a lot of time with another person, coordinate yourself and your life afterward, you are close and intimate with each other and – in the best case – you found your partner-in-crime. And suddenly you are just by yourself. You get the feeling that life has lost an essential part…
And all of a sudden I also realized how much I had lost touch with myself in all this time. How much I was fixated on this one person and forgot myself in the process. How much I responded to the other persons’ needs and sensitivities but ignored mine at the same time. Yes, it happens in the best families 🙂
A few months after breaking up, I decided to leave Munich and go to Mallorca. What a move! A very good friend of mine has lived here for years and runs a holiday home. I offered to help him in the kitchen and around the house, in return I could live there without being charged. For a few months, I wanted to blow my head free from the sea breeze and warm myself in the Spanish sun. The initial euphoria gave way to reality after a few weeks: going to a country whose language you don’t speak and you don’t know anyone, also living remotely in the countryside encouraged the feeling of emptiness and loneliness even more. I started dating like crazy to meet new people – for fun too, of course. Sometimes really nice friendships developed out of it. Still, there were many days when I really was alone. And that actually was a good thing.
Even when the feeling wasn’t great at first, I started to deal with myself. What do I actually want? What am I capable alone? Where do I want to go and who am I actually? I didn’t consciously ask myself these questions, but I investigated in these feelings. By just doing what I wanted and only listening to my inner voice. A feeling that I had suppressed too often in my relationships before.
The more time has passed, the more I felt inner freedom. I’ve been doing a lot, I’ve been curious and eager to experiment. I started to drift and did what I felt like doing. When the pandemic arrived in March 2020 and we had 2 months of hard lockdown in Spain, I also began to do sports consciously for the first time in my life. I mean really regularly. It was such a good feeling to take more care of my own body. And it still does today. I really have to laugh about it because I’ve never been that kind of fit lad in my life. Today doing sports is part of my everyday life and I feel when I miss it.
After 2.5 years I am still on the island, have made many friends and acquaintances and enjoy my life under the palm trees. Fortunately, my job enables me to live like this. And I’m grateful that a breakup has basically brought me closer – to myself. Change can hurt. But only where the old gives way, the new can grow. Listen to yourself and let yourself go.
