I remember my 17 years and the double life that I led then vis-à-vis my parents. Prodigal son at home, every weekend I gave free rein to the carnival of my desires in the disco’s of Santiago de Chile, where the LGTBQ + revolution raged since the early 2000s. These precious moments of stolen kisses and first loves made the most of my hidden freedom until, within only one night, the mask fell.
2008, there were many reasons to celebrate the start of it! For us, at that time, teens in heat, the place to be was certainly the Bokhara, the gay nightclub of the moment. Between the multicolored drinks, the transformists and the half-naked men, everything seemed to radiate a joyous and splendid heat.I did not know that, in the club opposite, my parents were out dancing salsa, I did not know that, after leaving me in town, our respective parties would be in the exact same street.
At five o’clock in the morning, my friends, my lovers and I were still dancing, our drunkenness was glorious. In this maelstrom of dances and conquests my gaze stopped as frozen. I did not realize it right away but in the crowd, a straight, steady man stared at me. This man, I knew him, his features seemed familiar to me and his attitude that of an ally. With all my happiness, I went to him and gave him a strong New Year hug. Motionless, my father only said: “Come, let’s go home”. After my insistence to stay longer, my father managed to convince me and took me to the car where my mother waited just as stunned with only one question: “What are you doing in a gay disco?”
“Celebrate the new year surrounded by men on fire wanting to kiss everyone” That’s what immediately came to my mind.
But my answer was far from this direct. I took the defense of my false heterosexuality by claiming the right to be a free spirit, to discover new environments and to accept my gay friends as they are without affecting my masculinity or my tastes, etc … Believe it or not, my parents accepted these arguments. Their terror soothed, they kept the prodigal son that they wanted so much and we made the way home.
At the dawn of this first of January, the sun’s rays began to invade the streets we were going up. Was it this light or the ecstasy of the holiday that gave me the courage, the claws necessary to seize the opportunity? I felt the right words come to my mind, the ardor of the truth at the end of my tongue, and in a few seconds my lips pronounced the truth: yes, I am gay, and they must love me as I am because I am their son!