It was one of the warmest day of the summer. I crossed Paris under a blazing sun and arrived at Tom’s place the first, with a little apprehension. It was the big day. We had agreed with Chris that my two partners, David and Tom, and I, would do several shootings in pairs, before a shooting with the three of us. We wanted to show the particularities of each two-way relationship before shooting the osmosis of the three of us. It was decided to begin with Tom and David, but I wanted to be there, to be part of it.
I’m not especially into voyeuristic stuff. It was the first time I saw the two of them making love without being part of it. I didn’t expect that moment would be so emotional for me.
As soon as they began to interact with each other, I felt an overwhelming wave of joy and love, and from that moment, a smile remained etched on my face.
When they began the sexual part of the shooting, I was surprised to feel more love than excitation. Even if I had thought I would join them for a moment, they were too beautiful for me to interrupt them. I almost didn’t interfere with their love.
But I was feeling so much love for the two boys I love loving each other.
For their eyes sometimes staring at me with ardor.
For their sweet on their bodies and on their hair.
I had this feeling in the stomach I can still feel today when I think about it.
I was experiencing, with the link between my eyes, that I couldn’t take away from them, and their bodies and moaning, a new expression of the love we share.
When you begin to explore polyamory, you quickly find out that our languages lack vocabulary to tell the reality of the experiences you live, as they were constructed on different norms. You need new concepts to think your relationships.
My favourite one is compersion: feeling happy that your partner is happy, in particular if he is with another partner. It is the exact opposite of jealousy.
Our society sometimes tends to valuate jealousy as a necessary evil, or even a proof of love. I would rather consider it as a proof of insecurity, that needs to be discussed. And compersion seems to me to be a much more solid proof of love.
As my mind wondered while I watched them, I also realized how lucky I am. Lucky to have met my lovers, of course, who feel the same as me towards relationships, allowing us to live the way we live. Lucky, also, to live in a society where such extraordinary experiences are possible.
As long as I remember, I think I never really understand the concept of exclusivity in both the sexual and sentimental way, even if, when I was younger, I didn’t have the tools to think otherwise. My luck is the luck of our generation, which reap of the benefits of the experiments and the struggles of the previous ones. On the issue of tolerance and sexual liberation, of course, but also on polyamory.
I remember, as a teenager, discovering the “polyamour” page on Wikipedia by exploring Sartre and Beauvoir’s path. They, as well as others, were among the first to explore – sometimes with difficulty – routes that me and my partners still travel today. In a more conservative context, this generation built intellectual and concrete tools for what is called polyamory today, that me and my partners still use in our daily life. I feel deeply grateful to them.
Today, around me, I also have the chance to have people who are comprehensive and even curious about polyamory – even my mother. I can’t tell how many times the subject aroused immoderate interest during parties, even from friends who feel deeply monogamous. It makes me hope that we are mature enough, nowadays, to reconsider the place of social norms in our lives, and choose which ones suit us and which ones we leave behind.
That evening, after the shooting, I stayed with Tom, while David left to join his partner at their place. We shared a kiss. The night was falling, but the atmosphere was still warm.